tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post115392396420664826..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Dismaying Story #14: The Affair-Proof MarriageAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164861175473802732006-11-30T00:32:00.000-04:002006-11-30T00:32:00.000-04:00I know this was posted some time ago, and forgive ...I know this was posted some time ago, and forgive me if my observation has already been addressed in another post. I just came across your blog and am trying to get up to speed. I am enjoying the thoughtful reflections you're providing.<BR/><BR/>I wonder how correlated an affair-proof marriage is to a happy marriage. Are the two synonymous with each other. Or can you have an affair-proof marriage that still isn't fulfilling?<BR/><BR/>And, in wondering that, I it is more than commitment that guarantees an affair-proof marriage...<BR/><BR/>Again, I appreciate your blog and look forward to reading more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1160275135738362622006-10-07T23:38:00.000-03:002006-10-07T23:38:00.000-03:00This article really made me think. Not that I susp...This article really made me think. Not that I suspect that my husband would cheat, but what about when his affections are being diverted by something altogether different...his engineering degree!! He is so beaten down by school that he has little time or energy to spend on our love affair - how can I help my husband stay receptive to romance while he's in school. Right now, I would pretty much have to write physics problems all over my body with a permanent marker to get his attention (Hey, maybe that's not a bad idea!)Wendy C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14097649136157565627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1160233018229600382006-10-07T11:56:00.000-03:002006-10-07T11:56:00.000-03:00I think a lot women choose not to see the red flag...I think a lot women choose not to see the red flags in a relationship gone sour. I was not one of them. My ex-husband used to turn into a pumpkin at midnite on a Saturday while we were out with other couples, and then all of a sudden he was out until 6am on a work night claiming to have been playing cards (something I had never even seen him do) with "friends" and couldn't hear his cell phone. Yeah, right. <BR/><BR/>I should've known there was a reason that he decided to take over the bills from me when he claimed that since I was so busy with the kids, I wasn't doing them right anymore (?)...since I always gave in to him and allowed him to make me feel so beneath him, I let him do it. Forget red flags...that was a huge billboard with flashing red lights! Once they don't let you see the Visa or cell phone bill anymore, you've got problems. I eventually got my hands on them and that is how I proved that he was indeed cheating (yes, I had asked him about a thousand times if he was, and each time he swore he wasn't. Scary, huh?). Too many very long calls to one particular number (which I of course called), and a ski trip for two upstate that was pre-paid for (something I had asked him to do with me every year since we met, and he "never had time"). It hurt like anything when my marriage ended, but I refused to let anyone treat me like I was stupid, and I could never trust him again, ever.<BR/><BR/>I have a sister-in-law (my present husband's sister) who is absolutely gorgeous, with a scoundrel for a husband. His whole being is a red flag. This guy has been caught being dishonest a thousand times, and yet she chooses to believe his warped lies and make excuses for him every time. The whole family wants to shake her and wake her up, but does she REALLY not see him for what he is?? Or is she THAT ignorant? I looked up "pathological liar" on the internet, and came up with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is this guy to a "T", and Inverted Narcissist, which is probably her (they are illegally wealthy and put tremedous value on people according to their financial worth, and nothing else. Mother Theresa wouldn't be allowed in their house, but they would roll out the red carpet for John Gotti). If I seem obsessed with this scenario, it's because he came on to me one time too many, and my husband wanted to kill him. He of course tried to "rally his troops" and told the whole family that we were on drugs, and that I actually came on to HIM (I have never used drugs in my entire life, and I'm not even going to get into what a turnoff this guy has always been to me, mainly because of his arrogant personality). The sad truth was that they believed him for a few months ("How could he cheat on a wife that looks like THAT?"), but after he went to prison, all of his lies started to surface. They all know the truth now, after a year and a half. And so does my sister-in-law, but she still sweeps it under the rug along with several other serious issues that her kids are having due to this scenario. The Queen of De-Nial".<BR/><BR/>I do get angry for what my family has been put through by these people's lies. You know, I could care less if that's the way she wanted to live her life...but once that crap came into my house, I had to put my foot down. I don't go through life lying to make it seem "perfect". People either like me for who I am, or they don't. Period. But I guess my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have defined themselves by their income for so long, they have no idea who they really are (or they don't want to face who they really are).<BR/><BR/>Sorry for venting! I'm still trying to figure out how to post this story to my own blog, but the details of it read like a novel. Hey, maybe THAT'S what I should do! ;)<BR/><BR/>LisaDust-bunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11610355970669069345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1159220350450474472006-09-25T18:39:00.000-03:002006-09-25T18:39:00.000-03:00Hi Dr. Mc, Thanks for commenting at my blog. You s...Hi Dr. Mc, <BR/>Thanks for commenting at my blog. You shouldn't find it strange that this is the post I decided to comment on. I read this post, and the links included, and would like to add one thing to the "signs" via story of experience. <BR/><BR/>I never ever thought my spouse would cheat on me. Ever. Then he started asking me questions insinuating that he felt I was cheating on him. Things were really rough for a while. A friend of mine that had a cheating ex-spouse asked me if I thought he could be having an affair, to which I of course said no. They warned me to keep on open mind about the accusations I was receiving from my spouse because my friend had seen this happen before. My friend said it was often referred to as "guilt displacement". Someone accusing their partner of doing something that they themselves are actually guilty of. <BR/><BR/>Small signs began surfacing, first and foremost being the cell phone bill. It quit coming in paper bill with details. Being smarter than the average bear, I went online to find the details. It was all there, in black and white. I have them all printed out and tucked safely away in a folder for future use. <BR/><BR/>I'm still with him. Some days i really question myself as to why. The answer to that is not an easy one. The answer is still floating around in all that gray matter that falls between the black and the white areas. <BR/><BR/>I have thought about typing out my story for you to read and get your opinion. I know there are always 3 sides to every story-- his, hers, and the truth. <BR/><BR/>Maybe one day I can correspond with you further about it.Beckahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00280425591897844334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1154017756194464292006-07-27T13:29:00.000-03:002006-07-27T13:29:00.000-03:00Dear Andrew:Thanks for visiting my blog and for yo...Dear Andrew:<BR/><BR/>Thanks for visiting my blog and for your encouraging comment.<BR/><BR/>I have linked you as requested.<BR/><BR/>Rod Smith<BR/><BR/>RodESmith.wordpress.com<BR/><BR/>(Difficult Relationships)Difficult Relationshipshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17973861154763580939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1153937423079542602006-07-26T15:10:00.000-03:002006-07-26T15:10:00.000-03:00If you ever want to hear from the "other" woman - ...If you ever want to hear from the "other" woman - let me know. <BR/><BR/>What I will never understand, is that all the signs of a cheat are dead on. Why doesn't the wife see it? I'm the other person and I'm aware of any little change in routine.<BR/><BR/>Do you think it's possible to be the other woman and it will turn out to be a successful relationship down the road?Penrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14367348532147673750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1153928883197658512006-07-26T12:48:00.000-03:002006-07-26T12:48:00.000-03:00Hi Stacey,Thanks for dropping by. And I'm always g...Hi Stacey,<BR/>Thanks for dropping by. And I'm always glad to hear good news stories. :o)Andrew McAllisterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com