tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post115478236486614846..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Living the StoryAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1155047492341079592006-08-08T11:31:00.000-03:002006-08-08T11:31:00.000-03:00I think my first boyfriend and I got through the "...I think my first boyfriend and I got through the "butterflies" stage literally in about 20 minutes, once we finally admitted to each other we liked each other. I hate the butterflies stage, but it probably would have been better had it lasted just a bit longer.<BR/><BR/>It was always sort of an on-edge relationship and we broke up twice before ending it for good. I haven't found anyone since (after six years) and, rationally, I have to think my lingering misgivings are more related to that--ticking biological clock, fear I'll never find anyone else, resentment that guys like me, just not romantically, blah blah blah--than to anything having to do with him specifically.<BR/><BR/>He wasn't perfect, of course, but he was a really good guy and, for the most part, we were well-matched. I loved him but I seem to recall going right from the initial "crush" stage into a slightly jaded "settled" stage. I like the settled stage much better than the butterfly stage but, in this case, it brought a bunch of reality crashing down and we ended pretty quickly. If I had it to do over, I would be more patient. I don't think it would have been "the one" for either of us but I suspect we would have learned a lot and probably parted on better terms.Little Black Carhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14313164876855565140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1154986125105287502006-08-07T18:28:00.000-03:002006-08-07T18:28:00.000-03:00But also sometimes I think if you stick around a b...But also sometimes I think if you stick around a bit, you'll find that your issues aren't so much with the relationship as they are with yourself. In some cases I think you're right and it's best to end it, but I'd give it a couple months before breaking off a serious relationship without any other motive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1154940090951574612006-08-07T05:41:00.001-03:002006-08-07T05:41:00.001-03:00and you're suggesting the good solution in such a ...and you're suggesting the good solution in such a situation is to stay with someone you don't love? he might be hurt by it, but in the end it's best for him too: she won't hold him back anymore from finding someone who truly loves him, something he obviously deserves. they are both stuck in an uncomfortable situation and as much as it might hurt the only way out is the break-up.<BR/><BR/>it's pretty obvious in her letter why the whole thing happened: she was afraid she wasn't going to be loved and when someone did, she just grabbed it. i'm sure we've all been simmilarly selfish in our lives and it's something i personally cannot blame her for.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1154790735754695122006-08-05T12:12:00.000-03:002006-08-05T12:12:00.000-03:00Yeah, but is that saying there's no such thing as ...Yeah, but is that saying there's no such thing as being irrational? Maybe the girl (or guy) needs to really think about it. Do our convictions and perspectives not matter in this? She panicked, and maybe that guy wasn't the right guy. But had they stayed together is there any reason to believe they wouldn't be happy?<BR/><BR/>Maybe <I>devotion</I> is a quality people need to appreciate more, as opposed to fearing it (or fearing that they can't reciprocate).<BR/><BR/>Some people don't want to be in a "ticking" relationship. Former Cynic did the right thing for herself, but perhaps she could've known before getting deeply involved with that first guy, whether or not she would have the capacity to stay with him. She could've spent the time with someone who wasn't looking for such commitment. Instead, this gentleman who did the right things, ends up hurt only because he gave everything he had.Shanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09720024916714288188noreply@blogger.com