tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post115875570774101369..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Dismaying Story #56: Divorcing Your Toxic ParentsAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-90903108968234850232016-04-29T03:23:53.423-03:002016-04-29T03:23:53.423-03:00I am at wit's end, trying to listen to Christi...I am at wit's end, trying to listen to Christian songs when I found this website. Just now, my verbally (and physically) abusive father is shouting at my mother making her run errands for him. <br />Living in a house with my toxic father has become the source of my depression that none of my friends could understand, making me seem like an ungrateful daughter. But can they really blame me? Should they really blame me? That every single time my father feels insecure, he blames us, his family as the cause of all his misfortunes, making me unhappy to live anymore. I wasn't able to finish college due to his poor financial decisions back then. I worked, along with my siblings, we tried to work it out. <br />We stayed with our parents, hoping he'd change. But I believe in behavorial patterns. He hasn't changed. <br /><br />In the Philippines, where social norms and religion dictate that we have to obey and respect our parents at all costs, made it harder for me to make these decisions and I still feel stuck until now. My siblings called me "ingrata" for making plans on how to break ties with our parents. I am the youngest. I have seen everything --- blood, bruises, death threats, knives and broken glass pointed at our necks yet mother and siblings still think that we must stay with our father. I am 26 now, with decades of abuse still haunting me. I could only feel remorse, indifference towards my father. Time and time again my father would blame me, us for everything. I have tried to live my life outside - with friends, co workers, and found a very loving boyfriend for 8 years who have seen me battle with depression. Learned to be independent even at an early age. I have been through a lot trying to figure out a lot of things t myself. <br />Moving out and living my life seemed like a sin in this family. My father keeps on holding us back, holding us down, he calls us useless to him. All our lives we felt like investments, and he brings us down by keeping score of all the things he has spent on us. I feel like drowning sometimes until I have decided to end my life. Failed a lot of times. Sometimes, I ask God why He had to give me such parents if I really have a purpose in this world? What do I need to do? Sometimes I wish I was never born.<br /><br />At the back of my mind, I still have hopes to finally cut the depressing ties I have with him. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-62428332199952911872014-04-25T01:20:41.723-03:002014-04-25T01:20:41.723-03:00It is so incredibly difficult to convey my feeling...It is so incredibly difficult to convey my feelings. I feel I was inadequate at expressing myself above. My story is incredibly complicated. With years and years verbal abuse. I am just starting my journey to heal from this and am thankful for a safe place to express my hurt and anger.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-90467705649218362352014-04-24T18:02:16.143-03:002014-04-24T18:02:16.143-03:00I am concerned that one I start writing this I won...I am concerned that one I start writing this I won't be able to stop. Like a long pent up volcano, with years of hurt and emotions to let fly. <br /><br />Let me start by giving a little background about me and my relationship with my parents. I am 51 yrs. Old. The oldest of 4 girls. Until recently we all just accepted that my father was a tyrant. And that it was normal for us to tip toe around him. But a recent event brought up years and years of pain brought on by him. <br /><br />From as far back as I can remember my Dad was never happy with anything we did. If I brought home an A on my report card I had to explain why it wasn't an A+. Having to endure hours of sitting at the kitchen table listening to lectures that began with him screaming at me that I will never succeed if I accept "average". I know this does not sound bad, like I am being over sensitive. But this is one of many things that we endured. <br /><br />I grew up being called fat, lazy, stupid, and he demands attention. He will yell at my mother call her the same. She is 74 yrs old and he will get on her about not wanting to walk or go dancing with him. She has medical issues and recent knee surgery. To him that is no excuse. <br /><br />He treats his grandson's the same way. And will "target" someone in the family and humiliate them in public. <br /><br />The recent event that started the reflection of our relationship was over a supposive loan of $500 from 10 years ago for my Daughter's wedding. What set it off? I think that it was the used truck we purchased. After all how dare we have something nice. <br /><br />The worst thing he did to me and my ex was to move him, my mom, sisters and her kids all in my house with me my husband and our 3 kids. He had us evicted from that house, then he followed us to another where my kids and husband ended up walking out of. <br /><br />I have enormous an amount of guilt and stress over the thought of "divorcing" my parents because of their age and I don't feel I could leave my Mom. I am tired of having to justify everything I say or do just to make him happy. To plan my life around "will Dad like this" and if not giving up what makes me happy to please him. I can not recall the last time I got an honest unsolicited compliments from him. <br /><br />He adopted my sister's daughter, and son and now his granddaughter. To him family is more important than anything else, but he fails to see the damaged lives in his wake. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79998753473605405832013-08-26T15:41:28.857-03:002013-08-26T15:41:28.857-03:00hello,
i'm posting here about my experiences ...hello,<br /><br />i'm posting here about my experiences witnessing my husband's dysfunctional family, and its devastating effects on his life. we lived with them for one year, which was a blessing in disguise as I got to see what life with them is like. but even then they kept up appearances as a loving and supportive family. <br /><br />they never physically or sexually abused family members, except for hitting his sister once. more often it was extremely loud yelling (which really almost counts as physical abuse, as my husband's ears would hurt, and he would dissociate in fright). it was fear, walking on eggshells, constant stories of how the parents should be pitied, and you could never imply they'd done anything wrong. <br /><br />the damage they've done has resulted in my husband being unable to trust almost anyone (he is married to me and i hope that our relationship is healthy--i believe we have trust, but it is hard for me to help him). he hasn't been able to hold a job, his friendships have deteriorated, and he has phobias and feels trapped wherever we live, and we have moved so many times I have lost count. he battles with depression, anxiety, hopelessness.<br /><br />they deny everything he's done. they yell at him if he voices his feelings, and hang up on him. they threaten disowning him. <br /><br />his father turned on me savagely and yelled at me in front of family, friends, and neighbors in the front yard because i asked his dad & mom to stop pressuring my husband about his job situation. this was after a drunken neighbor who is his dad's friend flirted with me, and no one would address the situation or take our side when we pointed it out.<br /><br />at this point we gradually began pulling back from his family. that would seem like a good thing, but my husband has sunk deeper into depression as a result. no one ever admitted that anyone was in the wrong, the fingers have been pointed at us.<br /><br />the pain of receiving no validation has been tremendous, and we have been very isolated for years. we have virtually no support system, and don't know how to go about finding it. i feel that i have taxed my friendships as much as i can, and abuse support groups feel dysfunctional. therapy hasn't worked much either (well it works for me, but my husband can't trust). <br /><br />anyway to your original point, the abuse and aftershocks are very powerful, ESPECIALLY when the abuse is hidden and never admitted to. At least with physical & sexual abuse you know something happened (well, unless you repress the memory, then that's another issue). not to minimize physical & sexual abuse, but the covert emotional abuse cloaked as righteous parenting is super devastating. <br /><br />as my husband's wife, I have sustained my own trauma. i'm working to take care of myself so i don't get crushed as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-67548422355479644282013-08-20T10:19:30.303-03:002013-08-20T10:19:30.303-03:00Hi Anonymous,
I know you posted this comment a lo...Hi Anonymous,<br /><br />I know you posted this comment a long time ago, but I just wanted to say thank you!<br /><br />I'm going through a similar thing. I have lived most of my life under my parent's control without ever knowing it. My dad is narcissistic and my mum would make me feel guilty using emotional blackmail. After spending some time with my dad when I was a teenager, I opted to live with my step mother when he left. 10 years later, I have only just come to realise that the step mum I was with is also narcissistic.<br /><br />Exactly as you said, the moment I decided to do things differently and stop pleasing her it all fell apart. I was sidelined, accused of 'losing my culture' and told that 'God will not forgive me' (which of course, is utter nonsense).<br /><br />Unfortunately, my mum is rather manipulative and she finds people to 'gang up' with, in this case my brother and her family friends. So I get the pleasure of being ignored a million times over as punishment. I'm sure her version of the story puts me in an awful light, but I've come to realise it's just how she operates. My brother knows what's happening, but he has never stood up to her.<br /><br />My mum did not have control over her life as a child, and this feeds into her need to control now.<br /><br />I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner, and his parents are wonderful too. I also have a great therapist who is helping me come to terms with everything.<br /><br />It's so reassuring to come across a website and other people who also go through similar things. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking 'it must be me'.<br /><br />Life gets better and as one of my friend's said to me: Onwards and upwards. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-3679689690678925132013-07-12T20:08:27.466-03:002013-07-12T20:08:27.466-03:00I don't know when you wrote this, Bobby, but y...I don't know when you wrote this, Bobby, but you just helped me IMMENSELY. I have struggled for years with a mentally ill, narcissistic mother and a dad who by saying and doing nothing supported everything she did, never protecting us from abuse that broke bones, stabbed flesh, locked doors, forced us to live in a hoarder's hell topped with animal feces and filth and literally no friends over to the house for 18 years. I am the only one who had therapy, put myself through school and went on to start a business and become spiritual in spite of it all. I moved back to their state a few years ago, thinking they were old now and mellowed. But I have discovered that being elderly doesn't erase mental, emotional or spiritual illness. I no longer speak to them after one last incident in a series of continued betrayals in which other, still sick, siblings were involved. I asked God every day why websites and therapists say we HAVE to forgive and confront, and NEVER think of ending the relationship. After reading your well- crafted explanation today, I am convinced that my heart speaks truest on the best course for my life, and I choose to live without their involvement in it, as well as my toxic siblings. Thank you...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11204517434515795789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-32735672005870071082013-03-02T07:44:45.946-04:002013-03-02T07:44:45.946-04:00Phil, Your story is tragic and heartbreaking. Plea...Phil, Your story is tragic and heartbreaking. Please know that you are VERY worthy of enjoying the rest of your life, regardless of what has happened to this point. I'm glad you're getting counseling help - keep at it, that's all you can do. I wish you all the best of luck and good fortune moving forward!<br /> - AndrewAndrew McAllisterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8933922340569276092013-03-01T17:04:10.033-04:002013-03-01T17:04:10.033-04:00Mmm, taken me years to come to this point. I am li...Mmm, taken me years to come to this point. I am living with my abusive father, due to a serious brain injury that has left me financially dependent on his to a large extent. He has always been a bully, emotionally bereft and abusive. This was the situation in early years, I always believed he had the power to kill me and would if I did not do what he wanted, by beatings just to make the point. I was seen as a failure as a son, and he would make sure I knew it, time and time again Until I grew up believing this is what I am, and has taken many years of counselling to sort anything out, i am still not there. It was always he and my mother.My sister and I just seemed to be something they had to have, we were neither nurtured or loved. When my Mother died 20 years ago I felt nothing, and have always carried the guilt of it with me, but no more. He wants me to stay with him and to relieve his loneliness. Because I refused and am trying to find my own way again, he treats me like the furniture and worse, making me and the fallout from the brain injury as uncomfortable as he possibly can. Thanks to your stories, maybe I can see there is a way out. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12080350777337927742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-39898525365177623602013-01-11T22:15:12.089-04:002013-01-11T22:15:12.089-04:00It can feel so disheartening when affection and co...It can feel so disheartening when affection and connection is unrequited, particularly when a central figure like a parent is checked out into a disassociated state. If your primary concern is ensuring that your father recognizes your boundaries, you could suggest that he meet with you and a therapist to reconcile and clear the air, and that otherwise you would rather not see him, and if he refuses, the proverbial ball would be in his court.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-27382182066407245342013-01-11T22:03:42.453-04:002013-01-11T22:03:42.453-04:00It sounds like your father is not recognizing you ...It sounds like your father is not recognizing you as a separate person, an adult who deserves respect and consideration, which I have experience with because it is the primary trait that my toxic parents demonstrate that characterizes their abuse to myself and extended relatives. They treat people with respect only when they fear them or are impressed by their power or wealth. I think it is because they do not feel respect for themselves. I gave a presentation once on the conscience and researched how immoral decisions eventual separate a person from their core childlike integrity, which serves as a shelter from evil influence. It is my opinion that "toxic" parents, and others who behave disrespectfully, are seeing the negative reflections of themselves in others and need to be surrounded by wealth and power to prevent the guilt of unacknowledged emotions/restitution from setting in. Essentially, they are running from karma. I think the best way to convince your father to respect your boundaries is to tell him that if he would like to go to therapy to discuss the feelings and issues in the relationship, then it would be the next step in reconciliation, and the decision is his. This way the proverbial ball is in his court and he may need the counseling, which would be beneficial for him and his own trauma that he is likely experiencing. Best of luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09434114956185076609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-68207204230006101302013-01-08T14:29:54.258-04:002013-01-08T14:29:54.258-04:00When you say that you will be divorcing your fathe...When you say that you will be divorcing your father, how did you manage to do that? I am trying to divorce my mother but I am hitting a lot of road blocks. I'm 28 and cannot find anything for the state of Texas that discusses divorcing a parent once you have reached the age of 18.Freebird84https://www.blogger.com/profile/16609471387802455676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-13168911351190780252013-01-08T14:15:50.423-04:002013-01-08T14:15:50.423-04:00Thank you Bobby! What you just wrote speaks the tr...Thank you Bobby! What you just wrote speaks the truth on a growing problem in our world today on so many different levels. I am in the process of trying to divorce my mother for her parenting skills, or lack there of, for the safety of my daughter. Although, I'm not sure how it can be done at my age, I will do everything I can to protect my daughter from what she neglected to protect me from. Thank you for your words of wisdom!Freebird84https://www.blogger.com/profile/16609471387802455676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-39291055102025559482012-11-21T04:58:47.185-04:002012-11-21T04:58:47.185-04:00Gotta divorce them too
Like a thief isn't as ...Gotta divorce them too<br /><br />Like a thief isn't as bad as a murderer but you have to treat them just the same<br /><br />Screwithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09867487782663257929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79896084905137835882012-10-04T15:12:01.629-03:002012-10-04T15:12:01.629-03:00Bobby,
I am not sure if you are ever going to rea...Bobby, <br />I am not sure if you are ever going to read my comment, but I thank you for your words, Thank God I don't have such level of problems with my parents. Anyways sometimes I wonder why nobody speaks about boundaries, and the need every person has of them even with their parents. Building a fullfilling life requires courage, specially in your case. I love my parents, but I will manage to set limits on their level of decissions, or at least on the importance I give to their opinions. Its remarkable how my diabetes started in a moment I had a huge issue of control with my mother.Ms. bus stop singerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09340726029253893400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-43400503513866984262012-08-27T14:43:37.749-03:002012-08-27T14:43:37.749-03:00Society (people in general)find it easier to '...Society (people in general)find it easier to 'turn a blind eye' than acknowledge parents can be toxic. The implications for societies structure are fundamental and scary.<br /><br />NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EXPECT YOU TO BE DAMAGED EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY, JUST SO THEY DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT TOXIC PARENTS EXIST. <br /><br />If someone says "they are your parents you should be there for them" look them straight in the eye and reply "they were never there for me, they lost the right to expect me to be there for them. Sorry you do not understand toxic parents but that is the reality".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-60251151618422928242012-08-10T18:57:20.612-03:002012-08-10T18:57:20.612-03:00I have chosen to be estranged from my father for a...I have chosen to be estranged from my father for about 5 years now. I have been in a good place about the situation for most of that time with an understanding that he will not change, I am ok with that and my life along with the people in it are better this way. I do not wish him ill, I would prefer he find a way to be a happier person but I cannot be in his life. Every year on my birthday he leaves a card, nothing said about his feelings or the situation, just happy birthday written. But he leaves this card at my house, not using the mail system. I have even been home and he leaves it without knocking. It is very insincere. I still speak with some family members we share like my grandmother so I know that at some points in my life he probably knows about me from them. The problem is my husband and I are expecting our first child. My mothers mother passed two years ago and he had to be informed he was not invited as he called her saying he was going. When I was seven he left her for another so 24 years later after my parents being divorced it was very inappropriate to try to attend. I feel he wanted to face me to say his peace about what could my problem with him be and that I am at fault, again no change from him or attempt to reconcile in any real way that is unselfish or genuine. Do I write him a simple note stating that I am expecting and that although I wish him well please respect my boundaries and not attempt to visit or call? I just don't want him feeling like just stopping by my home or the hospital after our child is born is ok. I want to pre-prevent that. Any suggestions?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-42013358764186277392012-07-11T14:41:24.344-03:002012-07-11T14:41:24.344-03:00Thank you. You just told my story, and have given ...Thank you. You just told my story, and have given me much hope at the very beginnings of my divorce from my parents. They denied my sex abuse, their problems were always bigger, it has always been about them since my childhood. That self-pitying behavior continues today, and is accompanied by guilt trips, shame, veiled criticisms and full-stock denial of their actions.<br /><br />I'm 42 and have no degree, have 'endured' a lifetime of alternate shaming and enabling my own addictions, and still reel from their ongoing resentment that I'm well over ten years sober now, with my own family, living my own life in a way with which they disagree. I'm just now tackling that degree, re-parenting myself while treating my PTSD and raising empathetic, compassionate kids with a partner my parents hate (privately. Publicly they can't say enough.)<br /><br />Make no mistakes: they did not do the best they could. Period. I was raised Christian, and although I've left the faith, they still practice. I believe their Bible excludes the pages defining repentence/amends and my 'obligation' to forgive them. <br /><br />I will die inside if I do not make this break from them completely, and your experience gives me strength and hope. Thank you for carrying yet another message of hope. I didn't cause their behaviors or illnesses, can't control and cannot cure it, nor is it my job to do so. Your reminder arrived precisely when I needed it the most!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-5612996335999518302012-07-03T19:02:16.649-03:002012-07-03T19:02:16.649-03:00Boy do I feel like divorcing my parents.I'm 39...Boy do I feel like divorcing my parents.I'm 39 year old married woman with 4 kids.I feel so emotionally screwed up sometimes.My story follows with parents who didn't get married until I was 9 and my brothers were 16 and 22 at the time.My father never loved my mother.I think he only married her because of me.She seemed always jealous of me.<br /><br />Growing up was focus on my mom's problems.She use me as a therapist since I was a little girl.I shouldn't have been burden of her and my father's sex life and problems in their marriage.Emotionally I seemed like her mother.She always blamed everybody for anything that went wrong in her life.I felt responsible for her happiness.<br /><br />My father was no saint as well.He provided the bare minimum.He had lots of money but only on his needs not ours.He would always take vacations without his family,he went with his friends.He also golf every weekend-never missing it for anything.He didn't care about our school activities.He wouldn't even fill out fafsa for me for college. <br /><br />My parents didn't hardly take us to the doctors and never to a dentist even though they could afford it.Of course they went to the doctors and dentist.<br /><br /><br />There was so much fighting going on.I only saw my mom and dad kiss once and that was at their wedding.They never hugged or anything.Both were into themselves and put me in the middle of their crazy fights.<br /><br />I was also sexually abused by both my older brothers.My mom didn't believe me and said I was lying.I use to run away starting at 13.I was trying to divorce myself at an early age.I never did receive any type of therapy for that.Everything was brushed under the rug and I had to act like nothing has happened.<br /><br />Fast forward to now.My 70 year old mother fell down the stairs,breaking her ribs,pelvic bone,left arm.She was in rehab for 5 weeks.I came everyday for her helping the best I could along with my kids.She's better now but she don't want to do for herself.She wants to just sit there a burden me or blood suck me with her negativity about my dad again.I started to feel sick and I can't take it mentally.My 77 year old dad wants to act like he always did.Go golfing on the weekend and be free.Instead of him stepping up to the plate he wants me too when he knows I have my hand full with my own family.<br /><br />Both of my parents put themselves first all my life.I been told they are putting money away to take care of themselves when they are old.Now that something has happen they don't want to spend their money.They want to run me ragged.NO WAY!I'm not about to burn a candle at both ends.I will help were I can if that's not good enough well then hire someone!They both still scream at each other and in front of my kids.I limit my kids seeing them.I have to.<br /><br /><br />What gets me too is how cheap they are to my kids and I but can spend various amounts of money on themselves.I cannot and will not be at their becking call.It's always been about them and they won't change.My mom keeps the house dark,she won't see people either.She just wants to rely only on me for everything.She thinks everyone is out to get her.I know she's depress probably been her whole life.She won't do anything that involves her to take responsibility for her self.<br /><br />I can't talk about this hardly with anyone.The response from people "they are your parents you have to be there".At what cost?My health?My emotional well being?People don't understand unless they been through the toxic growing up.And by the way.I been there more for my parents then they EVER been for me.My husband and I never had them hardly babysit(mainly I felt they didn't protect me they wouldn't protect my kids either).Like I said they were into themselves as well to be bothered when I really needed help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-22122315156772897642012-05-23T00:52:13.751-03:002012-05-23T00:52:13.751-03:00i am new to this i am 42 years old very very scare...i am new to this i am 42 years old very very scared and lost until i finally found this site when i googled can i legally divorce my mother, ive almost allowed her to break me i found myself driving all over town to literally kill her i was in so much pain i hate her im hate that her blood runs through my veins but worst of all i hate myself for having a glimpse my whole life that maybey this time she will do me right and love me and tell me how wrong she was and has been, it just gets worse every time. please tell me there is hope for me thank you for haveing this site. "one who is broken"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-63055139948191810742012-05-08T02:48:01.304-03:002012-05-08T02:48:01.304-03:00There are relationships that are better ended espe...There are relationships that are better ended especially if it is no longer healthy or if there are other people who have to bear with the negative effects brought by the relationship.No Fault Divorce Onlinehttp://www.flashdivorce.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-36656336058150517522012-05-05T11:41:27.349-03:002012-05-05T11:41:27.349-03:00It took me years to finally admit that it was time...It took me years to finally admit that it was time to cut my parents out of my life. I'm 41 now and for years bought into their warped ideology that I needed to honor them and respect them, but they didn't need to do the same for me. Finally, after my mother almost assaulted my wife, in front of my kids, I sent them a letter saying we were done. I did, however, leave the door open, saying I would consider letting them see my kids if they made an honest effort to atone for all the damage they did to me, my wife, and my siblings and their spouses. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The hardest part may be how people cannot relate or understand to this. After finding your site, I see that I am not alone. Thank you.Lennynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-15784108740570359342012-04-09T21:06:02.202-03:002012-04-09T21:06:02.202-03:00hi I am based in Europe and cannot get a copy of t...hi I am based in Europe and cannot get a copy of the Engel book on divorcing a parent - I have just (today!!) stood up to my parents after 20 years of physical and emotional abuse and have told them I want no further contact. I want to write to them to finish the relationship but I am not sure how to write the letter. Could someone please write about Engel's various techniques?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-30671050477050294202012-04-09T18:54:35.369-03:002012-04-09T18:54:35.369-03:00What happened to motherless.com looks like a porn ...What happened to motherless.com looks like a porn site now? I was really interested in funding it and reading others stories...maybe it's called something else now??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-89029919664767825742012-03-26T14:09:43.177-03:002012-03-26T14:09:43.177-03:00thanks for the honesty of everyone who has posted....thanks for the honesty of everyone who has posted. this helps me to acknowledge my own similar situation as real as i expect that in the past i would have talked myself out of my true feelings and intuitions<br /><br />i had de facto cut my parents out of my life 3 years ago, following a full breakdown, and subsequent years of depression, therapy and holistic healing.<br /><br />i have built a new life with a career change and a new 'family' from my community where healthy, loving relationships are possible.<br /><br />my aged father is seriously, possibly terminally ill and my mother has re-opened contact.; so far phone calls as they live a days travel away. at first she was attentive and present, but now i am in the familiar grip of guilt, manipulation and control and i am expected to visit them<br /><br />i am doing forgiveness work as i feel that is an important aspect of one's own healing and helping to release guilt<br /><br />i would like to think that there was a way to make peace emotionally and spiritually, even if 'in real life' the relationship with my parents is untenable because of how they prefer to treat me<br /><br />blessings of peace to all that we can all have a safe and secure emotional futureJenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05726736898228130451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-66159827843116782952011-11-21T16:30:47.457-04:002011-11-21T16:30:47.457-04:00I am so grateful to have found this post! I "...I am so grateful to have found this post! I "divorced" my parents about 4 years ago. I can't say that they have been the best 4 years of my life, but they have definitely been the years in which I was finally able to start healing and progressing as an adult and individual. My mother is a full-blown narcissist who is worshiped by my father. We were told constantly as children that she was perfect. <br /><br />I empathize with those of you who also suffered emotional and psychological abuse. These are definitely the hard ones to make others understand, and they are also the hard ones to overcome as an adult. I am just now getting to where I don't hear those voices in my head anymore and am beginning to truly value myself as an individual. <br /><br />Last year my personal journey led me to realize that my marriage was not healthy and I had to make the painful decision to end that relationship, as well. Working with my counselor as I made that decision, I began to realize that I had learned unhealthy interaction skills in childhood, that then caused me to look for and tolerate unhealthy relationships as an adult. While I am not perfect by any means, I can now see more clearly the patterns in relationships and feel much better equipped to make decisions that will provide me a healthy emotional future.<br /><br />I recently received a card in the mail from my mother wanting to meet somewhere to try to reconnect. I have a feeling that she has heard about my divorce and is sensing a weak point where she might be able to weasel back in. However, this feeling was contrasted with my normal tendency to give everyone a second chance. Before I read these posts, I had decided not to meet with them. I plan to stay divorced from them until I truly feel comfortable with the idea of a reconciliation, if in fact that ever happens. While I was able to make that decision on my own (huge progress for me!) it was still helpful to find this support out there. It's hard to stand alone. It's really nice when you find out that you actually aren't standing alone. Thanks to all of you who have shared.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com