tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post116273154156113375..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Dismaying Story #78: She Found Someone ElseAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-3163014836755232842011-12-10T00:37:50.885-04:002011-12-10T00:37:50.885-04:00Shame....sad story man. Hang in there. My ex pulle...Shame....sad story man. Hang in there. My ex pulled the same crap on me but we weren't married. After the guy took her for a ride and ran off she wanted us back together.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163128093314301812006-11-09T23:08:00.000-04:002006-11-09T23:08:00.000-04:00Thank you and I had nothing to do with the counsel...Thank you and I had nothing to do with the counseling. I agree about her friend seeing as she says he is the only person who understands her. I think it is just something he is saying to her for his own gains but that is just speculation. I can say that I still feel this can work out and I am a happier man now too. But it is a roolercoaster ride for sure. <BR/>Married ManAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163024545724128682006-11-08T18:22:00.000-04:002006-11-08T18:22:00.000-04:00Married ManI'm glad to hear your wife has agreed t...Married Man<BR/><BR/>I'm glad to hear your wife has agreed to counseling, that's a good sign. As is the fact that she is pushing the other man into the friend category. (though I think further distance will be needed)<BR/><BR/>I wish you luck and I hope everything works out.SQThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04251030404220909306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162960068476151922006-11-08T00:27:00.000-04:002006-11-08T00:27:00.000-04:00Thank you for the comments. I want to say that i ...Thank you for the comments. I want to say that i am still fighting for my marriage and am not yet divorced. My wife and I have had some struggles and she has come to terms with the fact she needs to see a councelor. As for the other man she has put him in the good friend spot and I intend to get that spot back and move one step closer. And for everyone who said run I understand but I will continue to fight and forgive because try as I may I can't turn off the love I have for my wife. And believe me I have tried. I know this path is rocky and I don't know its end but I am commited to walking it to the end. Wish me luck!!!!<BR/>Still A Married ManAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162907962913683282006-11-07T09:59:00.000-04:002006-11-07T09:59:00.000-04:00Oh my gosh! I SO agree with this man! Marriage i...Oh my gosh! I SO agree with this man! Marriage is NOT easy... it DOES require a boat load of work! And it requires being able to put yourself in your partners place and view life from their side on occassion ... and it requires being able to suck it up and admit your own faults. But the main thing it requires is communication! (this is the hardest part in my own marriage - as well as, I believe, in most) My own marriage was heading for divorce about 11 years ago, and my husband and I tried marriage counseling and neither one of us was really satisfied with it. And it's waaaaaaaay to expensive to pay someone who really is NOT helping! We decided to stop it, and just struggled through on our own. I think God probably helped a LOT because we made it! I think we've both "thought about divorce" again a few times since then -- but SOMEhow we always manage to stick it out! I think too many people expect "marriage" to be "bliss" ... and it's FAR FROM THAT! I mean SOMEtimes it's blissful... but SOMEtimes it's WAR! And yea... I HAVE heard stories of people getting divorced and then finding "a perfect partner" and living life happily ever after. But I haven't heard that story TOO often! Most times after divorce I hear of "desperate dating" and loneliness! YUK! I'd rather stick it out with my less than perfect husband and enjoy the GREAT times that do come along, suffer through the agony of the bad times, and live the mundane existence that IS everyday life! EVERY day is not SUPPOSED to be fabulous! MOST days are supposed to be "middle of the road"... that's what makes the great ones GREAT and the crappy ones really SUCK! That's what LIFE really is... and I give this gentleman KUDOS for fighting for his marriage and I hope (and will pray) that the Lord intervenes and puts that physical attraction back IN his wife! She thinks it can't happen -- but I know it CAN!Mellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16266127127286739779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162849850406026922006-11-06T17:50:00.000-04:002006-11-06T17:50:00.000-04:00I really feel for this person, but the wife alread...I really feel for this person, but the wife already seems to have checked out.<BR/><BR/>The sad thing is that her new relationship will get settled and mundane like all relationships tend to over time. Maybe she'll be happier, but most likely it won't be much different. And by the time she realizes it, it'll be too late.<BR/><BR/>Married Man sounds like a good person. I hope he can move on because I'm afraid he will have no other choice. Maybe he needs to channel his energy into taking care of the kids right now, they are the first priority.<BR/><BR/>And maybe later on, when he's ready, he'll find a woman who can appreciate the level of committment he's willing to bring to a relationsip.SQThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04251030404220909306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162844746709887422006-11-06T16:25:00.000-04:002006-11-06T16:25:00.000-04:00I don’t believe that Married Man’s wife will ever ...I don’t believe that Married Man’s wife will ever find happiness until she deals with her unresolved issues with Married Man. Sadly for Married Man, it takes two committed partners to make a marriage work.<BR/><BR/>You give excellent advice, Andrew. Keep up the good work.Mother Jones RNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01298418463273622952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162836334544046732006-11-06T14:05:00.000-04:002006-11-06T14:05:00.000-04:00Andrew, I find like some of the others this is clo...Andrew, I find like some of the others this is close to home. I have been married for over 17 years, and have a beautiful daughter from this marriage. But for the past year or so it has been fight, bitch and argue; and yes both of us are at fault.<BR/><BR/>When I said we had to go to counselling to try and save what was left of our marriage, I was wrong, because I didn't say it the way she wanted to hear it - hey she is probably right. However from that point forward all my fight has gone, and I just don't care about the marriage anymore.<BR/><BR/>We are together at the moment to try and keep things together untill we can sort out our business....but then who knows<BR/><BR/>This guy needs to bail, but please, please make sure the kids are not used as a bargaining or thretening tool.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162833546811904182006-11-06T13:19:00.000-04:002006-11-06T13:19:00.000-04:00I have been in the same sort of situation. I star...I have been in the same sort of situation. I started dating my now ex-husband, when I was only 17...and married when I was 20. Hind sight is 20-20, and I can now see that we were too young. We were married for 5 years and had 2 beautiful children. A few weeks after our 5th wedding anniversary, I discovered that he had been cheating on me for the past year...with a woman from work. I was totally devasted. He wasn't even willing to try to work on our marriage, because he said he was so in love with this other woman. The only thing he cared about was being with her. He told me some very hurtful things...saying he had never loved me, and that his heart ached when he wasn't with her. It was the most painful experience I've ever gone through, but it has turned out for the best. We weren't meant to be with each other.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162829100099961142006-11-06T12:05:00.000-04:002006-11-06T12:05:00.000-04:00Great advice, Andrew. I hope this guy and his soon...Great advice, Andrew. I hope this guy and his soon-to-be-ex will remember to keep the interests of their children first and foremost. No bad-mouthing the other parent, no playing custody games, no shouting matches in front of them. Remember that the goal is to allow the children to grow up with two loving parents in their lives and you'll not go wrong.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18045985667596964511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162824976785196102006-11-06T10:56:00.003-04:002006-11-06T10:56:00.003-04:00I'm concerned when someone states (or quotes?)abou...I'm concerned when someone states (or quotes?)about an acceptable reason for divorce is "severe abuse". Any type of abuse is NOT acceptable. I mean really, do you wait until the abuse is severe enough, such as crippling, scarring, or death, until it's a good enough reason to leave the person?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162815738257384242006-11-06T08:22:00.000-04:002006-11-06T08:22:00.000-04:00I really wish the man lots of luck in whatever he ...I really wish the man lots of luck in whatever he decides to do.that frolicsome kidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18235454935086777711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162800822593977352006-11-06T04:13:00.000-04:002006-11-06T04:13:00.000-04:00my personal opinion is that you can't make somethi...my personal opinion is that you can't make something work unless it works itself out. if you have to work to keep a relationship going, if it doesn't come naturally, it never will. you will never trully be happy in it because you will always have to work for it constantly. and the truth is that your relationship should be the support in your life not a source of problems.<BR/><BR/>he's never going to convince her. the fact that she fell for someone else is wrong but it shows that she wasn't feeling enough for him. you never look in other places if you have what you need at home.<BR/><BR/>i'm sorry for the kids, but this marriage is over. usually happens when you marry so young.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162794573452663862006-11-06T02:29:00.000-04:002006-11-06T02:29:00.000-04:00Yeah, she met the new guy and that was that.The ot...Yeah, she met the new guy and that was that.<BR/>The other guy was new and they spent time together one on one (probably at a motel) and one thing led to another and here is this letter now.<BR/>Her previous existence was boring and mundane but this newfound freedom also produced new desires with the opportunity to live a little but the prospect of going back to what she had probably turned her off on her marriage, so she ran.<BR/><BR/>Her and her husband were also together at an early stage in life and probably never had the chance to live a little and experience life in their youth with having the responsibilities of a family so this also probably stoked the fire of disaster.<BR/><BR/>Some things you fight for and some you walk away from, he should strap on the Nikes and go for a jog and find someone that deserves to be with him.<BR/><BR/>Have a nice day AndrewAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162783143755513532006-11-05T23:19:00.000-04:002006-11-05T23:19:00.000-04:00Oh, this is a bad and painful situation to be in. ...Oh, this is a bad and painful situation to be in. My first marriage fell into these same kinds of lines. My ex admitted he had become a workaholic to avoid me. I was so lonely without anyone. We sat back though and let our marriage fall apart until there was nothing left except some kind of friendship..a strange one. Now it's better. <BR/><BR/>Andrew you are 100% right-- you should NEVER end one with the other. It's hard. It's stressful. It leaves residue. Regardless of what one "feels" about things.. there is a right and wrong way to do something. I was just lucky. I know that. And I in no way would condone doing anything improper. It's funny, because the residue is mostly of your own making. I am fairly sure I am my own worst judge in all of this even after the years go by. <BR/><BR/>No matter how desperate or appropriate things feel at the time, we, as adults, should know what is right and what is wrong.Katkoothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12165342896298946047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162781776949509832006-11-05T22:56:00.000-04:002006-11-05T22:56:00.000-04:00This story really pulled at me. I, too, was in a ...This story really pulled at me. I, too, was in a committed relationship as an older teenager. I married him, and have stayed married so far; but when you enter a relationship that young, you have to expect that both of you will continue to mature and grow--but not necessarily in the same direction. <BR/><BR/>It takes much effort to keep a marriage together, even when a man and woman have become mature, independent adults before marrying. When kids marry, (and yes, we were still kids) it quadruples the amount of effort required to keep it together through the inevitable changes that will occur.Love, Ritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06101542232118228133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162779023465101332006-11-05T22:10:00.000-04:002006-11-05T22:10:00.000-04:00Unfortunately, it appears the Married Man's wife f...Unfortunately, it appears the Married Man's wife falls into the trap of believing that because it is a matter of what's in her heart, that there is no right or wrong.Shanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09720024916714288188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162745102999196502006-11-05T12:45:00.000-04:002006-11-05T12:45:00.000-04:00Hi Andrew! I'm much impressed by your good sense. ...Hi Andrew! I'm much impressed by your good sense. Keep dispensing the wise advice and we'll keep on listening! c",)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1162737447923906652006-11-05T10:37:00.000-04:002006-11-05T10:37:00.000-04:00I see now why you are the right person for the adv...I see now why you are the right person for the advice job.<BR/>My suggestion would have been to quit focusing on the wife and focus on the kids. <BR/>The marriage is over. The kids need a Dad focusing on them and their needs. Not one focused on trying to revive a dying relationship..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com