tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post4685442313505505432..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Dismaying Story #110: In Sickness and in HealthAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-80055552671353987302007-02-07T00:42:00.000-04:002007-02-07T00:42:00.000-04:00I agree with Loving AnnieI agree with Loving AnnieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-36130571353624233352007-02-06T02:20:00.000-04:002007-02-06T02:20:00.000-04:00I was the wife that didn't have the drive and lear...I was the wife that didn't have the drive and learned after 15 years that it was my birth control causing my issues. <br />I understand his side. I wanted so bad to please my husband, but it just wasn't there. It all compounded. No drive, feeling guilty, can't fix it, not sure what's wrong, all these played into one big emotional issue. (the sex was good, my brain couldn't get past the initial part-wanting it)<br />Ignoring it only made it worse. My husband chose to stick it out with me. I did consult doctors hoping to find my problem (I'm only 30, it's not normal) and I don't think that my husband would have stuck it out much longer if I had chosen to not at least try. I know that I didn't want to lose my husband, but I was helpless to explain what I was going through.<br />It's very difficult to talk about being a woman-so I can't imagine how difficult it is being a man-the stigma is worse.<br />It's hard to give my opinion on this one since I almost lost my husband over it. But I tried everything that I could think of to make it work. Which included scheduled sex so that I couldn't wiggle out or make excuses. We compromised on a time and date on a continual basis.<br />If he's not even willing to try to work on it, I would probably leave him. I'm grateful that my husband chose to wait, but I would not have blamed him for divorcing me. A marriage is more than just saying you love someone, you still need to show it, and the bedroom isn't the only place he's not showing it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-71276093290616121072007-02-06T01:56:00.000-04:002007-02-06T01:56:00.000-04:00This story sounds so much like my own marriage. M...This story sounds so much like my own marriage. My husband is 17 years older than I and has had very little sex drive since before we were married. Things are much better now than they were. We have sex about twice a month now. I'm not satisfied with that, but I can deal with it for the strong relationship that we have. My point is that, although I get minimal sexual attention from my husband, I feel that he loves me completely and unconditionally, and have no thought of leaving the marriage. My point is that I think Starved for Love has problems that go deeper than sex. The situation has caused me to learn that there are much more important things.<br /><br />I wish you the best.<br /><br />RoseBeth Younghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07715870904693186926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-2977963269439887632007-02-05T15:19:00.000-04:002007-02-05T15:19:00.000-04:00It seems that you've lost not only the physical re...It seems that you've lost not only the physical relationship, but also the loving friendship with your husband. If it were the physical side only causing problems, I'd say get yourself a good vibrator and laugh it off with him - but that wouldn't work in this case I fear, unless deep down you still loved him enough.<br /><br />The Doctor's wise advice seem the right way to go. I wish you the strength and wisdom to see your way forward.Twilighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14138621610593773784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8751216886846448482007-02-05T15:00:00.000-04:002007-02-05T15:00:00.000-04:00This is a more common problem than most realize. T...This is a more common problem than most realize. TV sitcoms love to portray the wife as one who does not want to have sex, but for every woman that ignores her husband sexually, there is a man over 50 who doesn't want to "do it" as well. When men reach this age many lose testosterone levels and the libido lessens. In the book "Okay, So I Don't Have a Headache" the issue of poor libido in women is addressed, but there is nothing out there for men. As a man over 50 I am blessed with a very strong urge and the ability to do it. However, my wife is pre-menopausal and her libido has dropped to next to nothing. Our sex life dropped once every six to eight weeks and I learned that I cannot force her to want sex. Relationships are based on love as a behavior and not an emotion, but sex must be present to feel loved by both men and women. I would never leave my wife for her lack of desire and I would never cheat...but I did feel less attached to my wife than before things changed. I recommend this woman lovingly urge her husband to get some therapy, and then address the issue of the lack of sex. My wife agreed, was able to share her feelings in a fear free environment and now we schedule time. We agreed on once a week, but it usually is half that. But we dealt with it, it takes work and caring support to overcome this issue, as it will only get worse if it becomes shame based.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-30325474846101764982007-02-05T13:19:00.000-04:002007-02-05T13:19:00.000-04:00wow - talk about being inbetween a rock and a hard...wow - talk about being inbetween a rock and a hard place here...bigs hugs to starved for sex...and great advice doc...<br /><br />if i could be honest with her -- i'd say take your son and leave...both you and your son will be far better off alone than in this relationship..now that's what i would do...like doc said -- you gotta make that decision for yourselfazgoddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15190285114417409204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49554216765498476102007-02-05T12:56:00.000-04:002007-02-05T12:56:00.000-04:00Dear Starved for Love,
Andrew's advice as usual is...Dear Starved for Love,<br />Andrew's advice as usual is excellent.<br />My two cents would be to at some point you may want to consider divorce... <br />Being loved includes physical affection and intimacy. You are too young to have to go without in a marriage.Constancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02702046097986873803noreply@blogger.com