tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post5794084251110119128..comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00Comments on To Love, Honor, and Dismay: Dismaying Story #133: What If He Didn’t Actually Break Up?Andrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-6022314812083393262011-01-14T03:11:35.057-04:002011-01-14T03:11:35.057-04:00It's so difficult when you invest so much of y...It's so difficult when you invest so much of yourself in someone and then are betrayed. I think you know what you have to do, you just need someone to give you permission to do it. Or maybe you just want to carry on pretending nothing is wrong, but eventually things have to come to a head, or he will just stop calling you. But you asked for Andrew's advice, and i agree with it, so it is up to you as to what you do.dragonflyfillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03575198966133993757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-14636154877016105832010-12-16T20:23:09.055-04:002010-12-16T20:23:09.055-04:00I have a simple solution to this problem - just m...I have a simple solution to this problem - just move on. Any question regarding the honesty and dedication to any relationship is grounds to run the opposite direction. There is a man out there who has been looking for somebody just like you and when you let go of this and learn to live comfortably and happily by yourself, he will appear. My wife;s grandmother once told her you never wait for a man. If he is not attentive and willing to do anything to have and love you - he's not the one. I agree with that sentiment and my wife and I have been together for 31 years. Let the other woman have this broken man and get on with your life. It will be wonderful, I promiseAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-73290829111815443842010-12-13T12:59:21.028-04:002010-12-13T12:59:21.028-04:00Not knowing IF the dude is the same one, I'd b...Not knowing IF the dude is the same one, I'd be more inclined to ask him directly. Tell him you'll be stopping by, if it's possible. If he's double-timing, he needs to come clean. Give him the chance to do so before visiting him.<br /><br />If you're certain it is he, then end things. You don't need someone in your life who is dishonest.<br /><br />Frankly, I get nervous when I see any woman talking about a man as if he would "complete" her, as it were. That's the first ingredient in a disastrous situation. Women need to complete themselves, to get to a point where they can say "I don't need a man in my life - I want one in my life." Big difference.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18045985667596964511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-83306470083416908672010-12-13T11:24:15.074-04:002010-12-13T11:24:15.074-04:00Dear Mostly Hurt,
You've already had the very ...Dear Mostly Hurt,<br />You've already had the very best advice from Andrew and earlier commenters. I agree with their assessment of your situation, and "Brannigan". <br /><br />What you do next depends on your own personality. If it were me, I'd write him a very candid letter/e-mail to help get the hurt out of you, rather than let it fester. This would also give you definite closure, rather than allow you to secretly carry on hoping.<br /><br />I assume you met Brannigan on a social networking website. In the past I had some experience of such relationships, though I'm much, much older than you and ought to be more experienced. I did encounter similar scenarios to yours. Luckily I hadn't allowed myself to become over-fond of the people involved. This is the key, I think. <br /><br />We have to keep in mind that for many people on-line relationships are little more than a "game". Much as we want to think differently. Sure, there are some genuine ones, like yourself. It's best to assume the worst though, at least at the start of an on-line friendship, and keep it very light. From now on, I bet you will do just that?<br /><br />I met my husband on-line. It can work, and work well. But it IS something of a tombola out there, you know. As it is even in off-line life to be honest. That's why it's best to keep things light - don't go falling head over heels for the soul mate for whom you are so eagerly searching without a lot of back-up evidence. that the other party is as genuine as yourself. Such evidence is hard to come by, I know. <br /><br />I hope you'll begin to feel better soon, and will feel able to mark this episode down as a hard lesson - but a useful one for the future.Twilighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14138621610593773784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79742888814632873202010-12-13T00:48:35.255-04:002010-12-13T00:48:35.255-04:00Oh my... Oh my, oh my. I remember when I had the s...Oh my... Oh my, oh my. I remember when I had the same kind of angst as this woman and was just as baffled as to what to do -- and you gave me the same kind of truthful, wise and kind advice, Andrew.<br /><br />This man is a total lying, deceptive, two-timing, amoral jerk that she is WELL rid of. <br />His character is non-existent at worst and weak at best.<br /><br />This woman is committed to hope and so invetsed in her fantasy that it is sending her into a tailspin of shock and pain and stuckness.<br /><br />Andrew has said it so well. Baggage Reclaim also says it very well (see the link in Andrew's sidebar). <br /><br />You deserve better than this guy.<br /><br />He would ultimately make you very miserable, not blissfully happy.<br /> <br />The red flags he's shown you are not things to dismiss, rationalize, excuse or explain and keep going as though they don't matter/aren't deal breakers.<br /><br />My empathy to you for your pain.<br /><br />The journey from being willing to be walked on, to having self-esteem and healthy boundaries where you'd walk away and never talk to a jerk like that again because you totally lost respect, IS possible.<br /><br />Please do the work on YOU, for healing, for seeing clearly, for all the things that go into settling, so that never again in your life will you ever have such pain again.<br /><br />You will in all likelihood not be able to get him to explain his behavior in any way that does anything but cause you more anguish or confusion. He's a liar, that's all you need to know.<br /><br />And the new woman he's with? He's going to lie to her as well. It's who he is.Frequent Travelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15348485045513754985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1950928747759153172010-12-12T23:20:53.868-04:002010-12-12T23:20:53.868-04:00I say send him an email saying you'll be stopp...I say send him an email saying you'll be stopping by on Friday for the weekend and let him sweat.<br /><br />Unless of course they are looking for a third and was their plan the whole time?<br />You know, the jam to lubricate the peanut butter between the slices of bread.<br /><br />Hey it's a crazy world.<br /><br />The guy isn't worth the time of day if this is how he treats people.<br />No one deserves to be used.<br /><br />I agree with you, she should walk away and find someone who wants to be with her.<br />But if she wants to paint his car canary yellow i can understand that tooWalkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15129182819187055533noreply@blogger.com