tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.comments2023-05-25T10:37:58.109-03:00To Love, Honor, and DismayAndrew McAllisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger1967125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-33321180699096069892018-06-13T04:22:21.488-03:002018-06-13T04:22:21.488-03:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Naveed Mughalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10692198202169963899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-30734325448680460692016-08-13T17:27:33.824-03:002016-08-13T17:27:33.824-03:00Hi All,
No one has brought up narcissism or border...Hi All,<br />No one has brought up narcissism or borderline personality disorder. But, I am leaning toward narcissism. I am going to change the aunt's nickname to Evil Aunt, or possible Evil Ant. Evil Ant is small and powerless, but has a giant ego and self-estimate. She gets off on bullying and controlling everyone around her. Her bullying and control is pathological since it appears that she treats everyone this way if they don't allow her to run their lives. <br /><br />I have a mother-in-law who is this way, only more extreme. She is such a bully that her hairdresser and masseuse LITERALLY fired her. She was wreaking so much havoc in my marriage that I started reading every self-help book I had find. But I needed to know more and this situation partially influenced me to get a Master's in Clinical Psychology. This is my second Master's degree. Well, I finally understood what I was dealing with and that people with personality disorders are not able to change. My husband finally put his foot down after I started explaining to him what was going on. Now, he has always suspected narcissism, but since his mom would never see a therapist, there is no diagnosis. My MIL could be a case study for the DSM. No joke.<br /><br />So, here is how we deal with it: <br />First, we live about 1,500 miles away. Next, my husband goes no contact when she misbehaves horribly. She has insight into the fact that what she does toward me or others s wrong, but she says over and over again that I caused her behavior. Bullshit. That is every abuser's favorite phrase: "You made me hit you" or "you made me threaten you." No, not so. While we cannot control what life throws our way, we can control our response. There is never a legitimate reason to physically attack someone (unless that someone is a stranger in a dark ally and trying to kidnap you or attack you.) We can always choose our behavior and choose our response.<br /><br />Have I tried telling her that she hurts me when she acts that way? Of course, I have said, "when you tell me that I am stupid, it hurts my feelings. I would like for you to stop saying that please." Her response? "Well, you are stupid and I am pointing that out to you because I am not a liar like other people. Everyone else thinks you are stupid too, but they are too cowardly to say it." Nope, ghat doesn't work. It's another typical abuser's response. <br /><br />So, we live far away and we don't see them often. My husband stopped calling her because every time he does, she tears him down. She tells him he is looming old and needs to lose weight. She tells him he doesn't know how to parent or doesn't make our kids study enough. She tells him that he should not have married me.<br /><br />But am I special? No again.<br /><br />She did ALL of these things to his ex-wife and caused her to abandon the marriage after about 8 months. His ex-wife was a beautiful physician who had her medical degree from an Ivy League.<br /><br />The point I am trying to convey is that no one deserves to be treated that way and your aunt is very abnormal in her behavior. There is no winning with such people and the best thing to do is to move away. Being around people who tear you down day in and day out becomes emotionally and physically exhausting. Your body will start releasing too much cortisol because it doesn't know the difference between a bear chasing you in the forest and an extreme bully. Cortisol ages our internal organs and affects our health. It is just not worth it.<br /><br />By the way, I just found this blog yesterday and it is GREAT. It's one of the best psychology blogs I have come across. Sorry for all of my commenting and thanks for listening.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713575108117550732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-35206654278390701552016-08-13T16:29:15.619-03:002016-08-13T16:29:15.619-03:00PS
I would be interested in an article where the w...PS<br />I would be interested in an article where the wife has a higher libido than the husband. Recently I have come across a lot of women in this type of relationship and all are over 40. None of these women are ugly -- most of them are quite attractive. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713575108117550732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-34778717177966505502016-08-13T16:27:36.803-03:002016-08-13T16:27:36.803-03:00I have met many 40+ women whose husbands stop maki...I have met many 40+ women whose husbands stop making love to them. The worst story I have is about a friend. Her husband refused to make love to her for 5 years and rejected her when she asked. Turns out he was having sex with every woman in town except for her. Very sad. In case you are wondering, she is attractive. She is an adorable, petite red head who spends time volunteering and helping others. The last time I talked to her I said it was time to consult a lawyer. Her husband refuses to stop his behavior. Since he is an executive, he believes this is owed to him. Just gross. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713575108117550732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-71325364348745047142016-08-13T15:16:22.286-03:002016-08-13T15:16:22.286-03:00 I think he chose a woman who reinforces his inner... I think he chose a woman who reinforces his inner voice. He was not comfortable with his other girlfriends because they genuinely showed him he was lovable. Since he still does not feel that way, he chose someone who knew reinforces that feeling. I believe that we will try to work out his inner issues during their marriage and try to get her to be more of a warm really tr during their marriage and try to get her to be more of a warm feely type. If he can get her to be warm feels type, he can somehow prove to his inner voice that he is lovable. I always say that if you want to know something about a person, look at the partner that they choose to marry. We can only marry those with whom we feel comfortable. Often, on a subconscious level, we marry people so that we can work out the issues with our inner voice and self-esteem. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713575108117550732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-81416212471156135312016-08-13T15:11:39.941-03:002016-08-13T15:11:39.941-03:00I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet bu... I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet but this one really stood out for me in his story. He explained that his past girlfriends were all cheerleader types for his self-esteem. The woman that he is set to marry is not able to give him the emotional or cuddly type reassurance that he needs. His fiancée reflects his inner voice quite well. Her behaviors toward him keep him in the same doubt as his inner voice. I believe that people marry those whom they think they deserve. He has always struggled with his sense of self worth, he is going to marry someone who reinforces that idea on a daily basis. I think that part of him believes that if he can change this woman's attitude toward him, that he then becomes worthy of love. But, doing this is an absolutely futile endeavor and possibly even a harmful endeavor He is still trying to prove his worth and instead of seeing and knowing that he is already worthy. His fiancé represents his struggle with worth and this demonstrates just how unhealthy he is. I can infer that he broke up with the emotional cheerleaders because he knew out his core that they were all lying. In reality, I know they were being sincere, but it was the inner voice of his that told him these women were a in reality, I know they were being sincere, but it was the inner voice of his that told him these women were lying. So, he chose to marry someone who reflects that inner voice accurately. I Masters in clinical psychology and I specialize in blogging about infidelity. But, I have a lot of knowledge on how to treat trauma. <br /><br /> The reason I noticed this about the fellow because my best friend struggled with this type of issue for many years, but hers was due to her parents divorce and her dad's subsequent abandonment of the family. For a while there, we would spend a couple of hours on the phone each day. I coached her through three bad relationships. Now, she has a nice guy who is a lot younger than she is and I have been helping her be at peace with having a Good Guy in her life instead of bolting. Quite often, she couldn't survive in a relationship with a good man because a good man didn't reinforce abandonment issues. Only the bad guys did. <br /> But, I know for a fact that these things could be overcome. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713575108117550732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-90903108968234850232016-04-29T03:23:53.423-03:002016-04-29T03:23:53.423-03:00I am at wit's end, trying to listen to Christi...I am at wit's end, trying to listen to Christian songs when I found this website. Just now, my verbally (and physically) abusive father is shouting at my mother making her run errands for him. <br />Living in a house with my toxic father has become the source of my depression that none of my friends could understand, making me seem like an ungrateful daughter. But can they really blame me? Should they really blame me? That every single time my father feels insecure, he blames us, his family as the cause of all his misfortunes, making me unhappy to live anymore. I wasn't able to finish college due to his poor financial decisions back then. I worked, along with my siblings, we tried to work it out. <br />We stayed with our parents, hoping he'd change. But I believe in behavorial patterns. He hasn't changed. <br /><br />In the Philippines, where social norms and religion dictate that we have to obey and respect our parents at all costs, made it harder for me to make these decisions and I still feel stuck until now. My siblings called me "ingrata" for making plans on how to break ties with our parents. I am the youngest. I have seen everything --- blood, bruises, death threats, knives and broken glass pointed at our necks yet mother and siblings still think that we must stay with our father. I am 26 now, with decades of abuse still haunting me. I could only feel remorse, indifference towards my father. Time and time again my father would blame me, us for everything. I have tried to live my life outside - with friends, co workers, and found a very loving boyfriend for 8 years who have seen me battle with depression. Learned to be independent even at an early age. I have been through a lot trying to figure out a lot of things t myself. <br />Moving out and living my life seemed like a sin in this family. My father keeps on holding us back, holding us down, he calls us useless to him. All our lives we felt like investments, and he brings us down by keeping score of all the things he has spent on us. I feel like drowning sometimes until I have decided to end my life. Failed a lot of times. Sometimes, I ask God why He had to give me such parents if I really have a purpose in this world? What do I need to do? Sometimes I wish I was never born.<br /><br />At the back of my mind, I still have hopes to finally cut the depressing ties I have with him. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-6844669445554329722014-08-21T07:58:28.886-03:002014-08-21T07:58:28.886-03:00I find this analysis of yours very helpful, and gi...I find this analysis of yours very helpful, and gives me the ability to be more patient. It gives me a way to understand what he is going through, which gives me the ability to let certain things slide --- and reinforces the need for me to apologize for my role, hoping eventually he will feel safe enough to do the same and be vulnerable one day. <br /><br />I know my boyfriend had some kind of rocky history with his now-deceased parents and he does not like to talk about it. I suspect that your analysis of his childhood may very well be true. Martahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16725747732270065174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-62428332199952911872014-04-25T01:20:41.723-03:002014-04-25T01:20:41.723-03:00It is so incredibly difficult to convey my feeling...It is so incredibly difficult to convey my feelings. I feel I was inadequate at expressing myself above. My story is incredibly complicated. With years and years verbal abuse. I am just starting my journey to heal from this and am thankful for a safe place to express my hurt and anger.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-90467705649218362352014-04-24T18:02:16.143-03:002014-04-24T18:02:16.143-03:00I am concerned that one I start writing this I won...I am concerned that one I start writing this I won't be able to stop. Like a long pent up volcano, with years of hurt and emotions to let fly. <br /><br />Let me start by giving a little background about me and my relationship with my parents. I am 51 yrs. Old. The oldest of 4 girls. Until recently we all just accepted that my father was a tyrant. And that it was normal for us to tip toe around him. But a recent event brought up years and years of pain brought on by him. <br /><br />From as far back as I can remember my Dad was never happy with anything we did. If I brought home an A on my report card I had to explain why it wasn't an A+. Having to endure hours of sitting at the kitchen table listening to lectures that began with him screaming at me that I will never succeed if I accept "average". I know this does not sound bad, like I am being over sensitive. But this is one of many things that we endured. <br /><br />I grew up being called fat, lazy, stupid, and he demands attention. He will yell at my mother call her the same. She is 74 yrs old and he will get on her about not wanting to walk or go dancing with him. She has medical issues and recent knee surgery. To him that is no excuse. <br /><br />He treats his grandson's the same way. And will "target" someone in the family and humiliate them in public. <br /><br />The recent event that started the reflection of our relationship was over a supposive loan of $500 from 10 years ago for my Daughter's wedding. What set it off? I think that it was the used truck we purchased. After all how dare we have something nice. <br /><br />The worst thing he did to me and my ex was to move him, my mom, sisters and her kids all in my house with me my husband and our 3 kids. He had us evicted from that house, then he followed us to another where my kids and husband ended up walking out of. <br /><br />I have enormous an amount of guilt and stress over the thought of "divorcing" my parents because of their age and I don't feel I could leave my Mom. I am tired of having to justify everything I say or do just to make him happy. To plan my life around "will Dad like this" and if not giving up what makes me happy to please him. I can not recall the last time I got an honest unsolicited compliments from him. <br /><br />He adopted my sister's daughter, and son and now his granddaughter. To him family is more important than anything else, but he fails to see the damaged lives in his wake. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-54286304127404725642014-01-17T11:03:36.781-04:002014-01-17T11:03:36.781-04:00its normal for newlyweds to talk about past relati...its normal for newlyweds to talk about past relationships and affairs but having a sexual affair before it really bothers to newlyweds for this can be the cause of conflicts. <a href="http://www.mypartnerspast.com/" rel="nofollow">girlfriend's sexual past bothers me</a> this can be a help for both of you for not to bother with your previous sexual affairs. this site helps me when i am like you before.chadhttps://www.facebook.com/chad.gomez.921?fref=tsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-39688693156551019162013-11-21T01:16:58.910-04:002013-11-21T01:16:58.910-04:00There are times in almost everyone’s married life ...There are times in almost everyone’s married life when <a href="http://www.hubby-hunter.com/" rel="nofollow">catch cheating spouses</a> the situation becomes tough due to one reason or another. It is easy to lose fidelity and broke someone’s trust but it takes lots of courage and sensibility to keep calm and let the storm pass. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05008626355399505535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79998753473605405832013-08-26T15:41:28.857-03:002013-08-26T15:41:28.857-03:00hello,
i'm posting here about my experiences ...hello,<br /><br />i'm posting here about my experiences witnessing my husband's dysfunctional family, and its devastating effects on his life. we lived with them for one year, which was a blessing in disguise as I got to see what life with them is like. but even then they kept up appearances as a loving and supportive family. <br /><br />they never physically or sexually abused family members, except for hitting his sister once. more often it was extremely loud yelling (which really almost counts as physical abuse, as my husband's ears would hurt, and he would dissociate in fright). it was fear, walking on eggshells, constant stories of how the parents should be pitied, and you could never imply they'd done anything wrong. <br /><br />the damage they've done has resulted in my husband being unable to trust almost anyone (he is married to me and i hope that our relationship is healthy--i believe we have trust, but it is hard for me to help him). he hasn't been able to hold a job, his friendships have deteriorated, and he has phobias and feels trapped wherever we live, and we have moved so many times I have lost count. he battles with depression, anxiety, hopelessness.<br /><br />they deny everything he's done. they yell at him if he voices his feelings, and hang up on him. they threaten disowning him. <br /><br />his father turned on me savagely and yelled at me in front of family, friends, and neighbors in the front yard because i asked his dad & mom to stop pressuring my husband about his job situation. this was after a drunken neighbor who is his dad's friend flirted with me, and no one would address the situation or take our side when we pointed it out.<br /><br />at this point we gradually began pulling back from his family. that would seem like a good thing, but my husband has sunk deeper into depression as a result. no one ever admitted that anyone was in the wrong, the fingers have been pointed at us.<br /><br />the pain of receiving no validation has been tremendous, and we have been very isolated for years. we have virtually no support system, and don't know how to go about finding it. i feel that i have taxed my friendships as much as i can, and abuse support groups feel dysfunctional. therapy hasn't worked much either (well it works for me, but my husband can't trust). <br /><br />anyway to your original point, the abuse and aftershocks are very powerful, ESPECIALLY when the abuse is hidden and never admitted to. At least with physical & sexual abuse you know something happened (well, unless you repress the memory, then that's another issue). not to minimize physical & sexual abuse, but the covert emotional abuse cloaked as righteous parenting is super devastating. <br /><br />as my husband's wife, I have sustained my own trauma. i'm working to take care of myself so i don't get crushed as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-67548422355479644282013-08-20T10:19:30.303-03:002013-08-20T10:19:30.303-03:00Hi Anonymous,
I know you posted this comment a lo...Hi Anonymous,<br /><br />I know you posted this comment a long time ago, but I just wanted to say thank you!<br /><br />I'm going through a similar thing. I have lived most of my life under my parent's control without ever knowing it. My dad is narcissistic and my mum would make me feel guilty using emotional blackmail. After spending some time with my dad when I was a teenager, I opted to live with my step mother when he left. 10 years later, I have only just come to realise that the step mum I was with is also narcissistic.<br /><br />Exactly as you said, the moment I decided to do things differently and stop pleasing her it all fell apart. I was sidelined, accused of 'losing my culture' and told that 'God will not forgive me' (which of course, is utter nonsense).<br /><br />Unfortunately, my mum is rather manipulative and she finds people to 'gang up' with, in this case my brother and her family friends. So I get the pleasure of being ignored a million times over as punishment. I'm sure her version of the story puts me in an awful light, but I've come to realise it's just how she operates. My brother knows what's happening, but he has never stood up to her.<br /><br />My mum did not have control over her life as a child, and this feeds into her need to control now.<br /><br />I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner, and his parents are wonderful too. I also have a great therapist who is helping me come to terms with everything.<br /><br />It's so reassuring to come across a website and other people who also go through similar things. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking 'it must be me'.<br /><br />Life gets better and as one of my friend's said to me: Onwards and upwards. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-85082059151330499562013-08-01T17:40:52.767-03:002013-08-01T17:40:52.767-03:00This is such an interesting blog Andrew. I agree w...This is such an interesting blog Andrew. I agree with your response and wholeheartedly believe that it's possible to overcome the legacy of one's childhood so that you can respond rather than react to these sorts of challenges. I once read that relationships are the best mirrors of ourselves and that has certainly been true for me in my marriage. Whilst any kind of conflict in a relationship is hard, working through that conflict is often our best opportunity to become better people. Ruth Mancinihttp://www.ruthmancini.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-3679689690678925132013-07-12T20:08:27.466-03:002013-07-12T20:08:27.466-03:00I don't know when you wrote this, Bobby, but y...I don't know when you wrote this, Bobby, but you just helped me IMMENSELY. I have struggled for years with a mentally ill, narcissistic mother and a dad who by saying and doing nothing supported everything she did, never protecting us from abuse that broke bones, stabbed flesh, locked doors, forced us to live in a hoarder's hell topped with animal feces and filth and literally no friends over to the house for 18 years. I am the only one who had therapy, put myself through school and went on to start a business and become spiritual in spite of it all. I moved back to their state a few years ago, thinking they were old now and mellowed. But I have discovered that being elderly doesn't erase mental, emotional or spiritual illness. I no longer speak to them after one last incident in a series of continued betrayals in which other, still sick, siblings were involved. I asked God every day why websites and therapists say we HAVE to forgive and confront, and NEVER think of ending the relationship. After reading your well- crafted explanation today, I am convinced that my heart speaks truest on the best course for my life, and I choose to live without their involvement in it, as well as my toxic siblings. Thank you...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11204517434515795789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-65284926488015949022013-06-29T08:58:53.333-03:002013-06-29T08:58:53.333-03:00Very sad. But maybe their different approaches mig...Very sad. But maybe their different approaches might eventually lead to them both finding a middle way and tempering their respective extremes. I hope so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-17664585481981764972013-06-29T08:57:45.265-03:002013-06-29T08:57:45.265-03:00 Interesting read. I like the way you described yo... Interesting read. I like the way you described yourself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-83051394285478370562013-06-29T08:55:26.462-03:002013-06-29T08:55:26.462-03:00Andrew, your response left me feeling as if I had ...Andrew, your response left me feeling as if I had read a mystery and couldn't see the obvious clues until Inspector McAllister revealed all. ;) Well done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-32058897087259145902013-06-29T08:54:20.415-03:002013-06-29T08:54:20.415-03:00As insightful as always.As insightful as always.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-68997938864755012232013-06-29T08:51:01.708-03:002013-06-29T08:51:01.708-03:00Excellent read, once again.Excellent read, once again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-58260340758980850772013-06-28T12:40:38.857-03:002013-06-28T12:40:38.857-03:00I LIKE that approach. I'm going to try that o...I LIKE that approach. I'm going to try that one.Michele Brentonhttp://banana.blog.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-13326378142292343862013-06-28T11:59:43.858-03:002013-06-28T11:59:43.858-03:00Great response. I agree wholeheartedly with this....Great response. I agree wholeheartedly with this. We can only change ourselves. Maybe if she tried to fit in with his way of doing things more - then over time he would realise she is not going to turn the home into a chaotic mess and he would be able to relax. In the meantime if children are part of the planned future for these two then they need to get into therapy to find a way of dealing with this long term because babies have a way of turning nice neat organised homes into the complete opposite and it would be a shame if any children of this marriage ended up with similar issues due to their parent's difficulties.Michele Brentonhttp://banana.blog.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-89472526597797728792013-05-05T01:36:14.279-03:002013-05-05T01:36:14.279-03:00Although it pains me to know so many others have e...Although it pains me to know so many others have experienced abuse, neglect and pain from their parents/families... I am grateful that people are talking about it and sharing. At 38, I'm just now recognizing how deep my wounds run and how much it's affected me as an adult. I knew that my parents were unhealthy and treated me cruelly, but I intellectualized it. I trivialized my experience (just as they did). I found that as an adult, I didn't even need them around to be cruel, because after all the programming, I was subconsciously doing it to myself. I can see now, that to truly heal and move on, you must first acknowledge and face the pain in a real and deep way, not just intellectually. I walked around much of my life pretending that it wasn't a big deal, that I was over it. That I was wise enough to see it for what it was and that forgiveness would heal me. That doesn't really work. To truly heal, I must honestly face what happened, how I feel and mourn for the safety, love and support that I didn't get so that I can free up all the energy that's still feeding those old wounds. Energy that is needed to learn and develop new ways of living that are healthy and happy. I spent my life helping others to heal their lives but I don't remember a time when I felt safe, loved or happy myself. And it's time to change that. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-60781586593842564912013-04-20T21:57:12.329-03:002013-04-20T21:57:12.329-03:00"Men tend to have less emotional awareness th..."Men tend to have less emotional awareness than women" - really??<br /><br />Simply because something is not immediately visible does not mean it's not THERE. Being emotionally aware does not require one to have all their thoughts in their mouth, rather than inside their head.<br /><br />We admire children for being vocal - the younger they are, the more likely they are to exclaim or cry, because that is how they are biologically tuned to get the attention essential for survival. With maturity, the ability to have a thought or a reaction without vocalizing it comes through.<br /><br />Without saying men are more mature than women, or vice versa, which would be a gross generalization, it is possible to say that some women and men are reactive creatures, who give voice to their needs as easily as their knee responds to a mallet. Others tend to dissect and analyse mentally before coming out with words to express what they feel, if at all. Some think that their partner can read their mind, so there's no need for anything to be expressed in words.<br /><br />What's needed is an understanding of SELF and OTHER. "What am I like? What's he like? How can we understand how the other processes emotions and information, and consider the differences?"<br /><br />Just because I dissect and analyse silently does not mean I do not do it at all, despite the fact I am female. Just because I feel reactive exclamations, discussions, and diatribes are immature does not mean my partner is necessarily immature as a person because he speaks more.Rosanne Dinglihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18297891545294681562noreply@blogger.com