tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-306442152012-01-22T16:21:30.471-04:00Relationships are fascinating, aren’t they? The way we get along with our significant other dominates our conversations with friends, enriches our lives and stresses us beyond all measure. Maybe that's why we love to explore how relationships work.<br><br> This is a forum for doing just that. You can review the stories, comment on the advice, or <a href="mailto:lovehonoranddismay@yahoo.com">send in</a> a question or story of your own.Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.comBlogger2421100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-57940842511101191282010-12-12T18:00:00.006-04:002010-12-21T23:59:38.627-04:00

Dear Andrew,I've been involved with this man (let's say his name is Brannigan) since May 2010. It's been wonderful. We connect on every level and our interests match. For once I have really allowed myself to love someone fully. Our relationship has been going on long-distance. Our mutual goal was to get to a place where we could finally be together. Last night, I was emailed a testimonial from

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-91711961603245816852010-11-29T08:52:00.009-04:002010-12-07T16:54:12.529-04:00

Imagine your twenty-something boyfriend of several years has just slipped a beautiful diamond ring on your finger and you are thrilled! He is handsome, thoughtful, and everything you always dreamed your lifelong partner would be. His career as an IT professional at a Boston bank is taking off, and your future together couldn’t look brighter. You can’t wait to show the ring to your mother.But

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-87951960528180373432010-11-11T07:47:00.002-04:002010-11-11T07:50:27.846-04:00

I know I do, and I recently bumped into an online version that offers a non-stop series of interviews with deserving yet largely undiscovered authors. This site came to my attention when one of my colleagues was interviewed for his newly published novel. The host’s name is John Austin, and the interviews are featured on a number of radio stations in Florida and adjoining states.ANCIENT ANGER is

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-3058092822089328482010-10-04T10:05:00.004-03:002010-10-04T10:20:50.780-03:00

It seems "Dear John" won't be providing much in the way of serious competition for Dr. Phil.Dear Readers,Okay, so not all men are as dense as "Dear John" ... but is there a grain of truth in that men are sometimes less attuned to relationship issues than women? If so, is it an ability thing ... or just who is more interested in that sort of thing? What do you think?Regardless of your opinion, I

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-61811370871507360382010-09-11T22:29:00.000-03:002010-09-11T22:30:26.399-03:00

We are told that the tragic events of nine years ago today were precipitated when people associated with Al-Qaeda became angry over US involvement in the Middle East. The logic seems to be, "We want the US to change what they are doing, so we will strike out with aggressive, destructive action in the hope this will dissuade America from continuing." It seems clear that the response was increased

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-46292138639611534452010-09-04T03:00:00.002-03:002010-09-04T03:04:25.758-03:00

I was re-reading a few Dismaying Stories from past posts and ran across this one, which is the most succinct question I ever received, as well as one of the most significant since it pertains to choosing a life partner.Dear Andrew,How do you know when a man really loves you?Signed, WonderingDear Wondering,I once talked with a man who was in the midst of a career change. He was moving to a new

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-14517878352053159652010-08-20T10:01:00.004-03:002010-08-20T10:06:44.053-03:00

...first star I see tonight. No, wait. That’s something different.In response to a previous post, Twilight asked about the recent vampire craze in entertainment circles, citing the Twilight / New Moon / Eclipse saga as perhaps the most prominent example. (And no, there is no relationship between Twilight the blogger and Twilight the book / movie. I can attest the former preceded the latter.) I am

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-47628317819182971852010-07-16T13:17:00.003-03:002010-07-16T13:24:35.880-03:00

I just saw a commercial on TV, obviously aimed at men, which has a voice-over that goes like this:"You're at home, on your couch, in your tighties. NICE!"And it struck me -- that's the difference between what appeals to men and women. I mean, does that sum it up in a nutshell or what? I can't imagine the ladies getting excited about that image, but apparently Big Marketing seems to think that's

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-87768674561869665732010-07-03T21:58:00.004-03:002010-07-03T22:09:16.505-03:00

Okay, it’s soapbox time. I’m going to stand up here and spout a bit of my personal philosophy. I make no apologies for this. After all, isn’t that what a blog is for? Especially one like TLH&D where we get together to deal with so many issues around people, life, relationships, happiness, sadness and so on.And I admit it – I stole the title for this little tirade, or at least borrowed the idea.

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-64874369513073777502010-06-27T01:47:00.008-03:002010-06-28T11:51:53.806-03:00

Don't look so surprised. Okay, so it's been a long time since I posted anything here, but I've just been a little preoccupied with life. It's not like I fell off the Earth or anything. Let's see, since my last post I've moved from one country to another, watched two children graduate, and eaten way too many bowls of ice cream. Okay, so maybe "too many" is all in your point of view. Possibly "just

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-88302593862946357022008-10-04T23:10:00.001-03:002008-10-04T23:12:00.918-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am 50; she is in her 20's; we met at work recently. She is single, I am not happily married. I have been training her in different aspects of our job - both in the office, and outside, "in the field." Her beautiful eyes and smile have kept me in a trance. I can't believe I told her that her eyes were terrific. She just thanked me (Whew, no lawsuit!) But... her personality, looks,

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49216396904163458802008-09-11T14:49:00.002-03:002008-09-11T14:50:02.809-03:00

Dear Faithful Readers,Many times people have told me about incidents involving a behavior that can be spectacularly harmful in relationships – justifiable anger.The thinking usually goes something like this: “I’m hurt and I’m really ticked off. This person has messed up big-time and I have been treated horribly. I’m not going to stand for it.”So the angry person unloads on them, hurling whatever

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-26091114956529559472008-09-06T10:04:00.006-03:002008-09-06T17:53:38.838-03:00

This image has been the "face" of TLHAD since this site began. Well, I decided the site's image needed a make-over. I wanted the image to match the slightly irreverant tone of the side bar and the happy mood with which I try to approach the subject matter of my posts. I mean, the stories may be Dismaying but that doesn't mean we have to act all dismayed about life.So I asked my friend Tom

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-23499796691761406932008-08-31T10:54:00.003-03:002008-08-31T10:58:13.435-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am happily married – will be 9 years in October. No problems at all with my husband as he is a very good man and devoted husband and friend. Had forgotten old boyfriends, lovers, etc. everything many years ago when I met my husband and have been very happy.My problem is an old lover that I saw a year ago this past April. I met him in 1993 and we did not really date – had a brief

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-10530853622198775082008-08-23T10:36:00.002-03:002008-08-23T10:39:11.050-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am totally confused by this man. He is in his mid-40’s, is divorced after a ten-year marriage that he ended when he was 30, where they have joint custody of two teen-agers. He has been broken up from his last long-term girlfriend for a year and a half. She was an alcoholic, just like his Mother was. I am pretty sure he isn’t involved with anyone else. There was one other woman he

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-2028640070119854402008-08-16T11:55:00.007-03:002008-08-17T21:36:19.184-03:00

Dear Andrew,I read Dismaying Story #125: Feeling Trapped and the truth is I can relate a lot. My parents were not abusive, not in the physical sense of the word. I did receive a slap or two, but it was - I believe - in the normal range. They were not blatantly abusive in the verbal sense of the word either. But - although they were a lot within the normal range with everything and I can't think

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-17911463840465674542008-08-12T15:15:00.003-03:002008-08-12T15:17:17.744-03:00

Hi Folks,A reader with email challenges asked for the address, so here it is:lovehonoranddismay@yahoo.comNote this is shown on the sidebar to the right. Thanks to everyone who has written in ... and keep the letters coming!All the best,Andrew

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-20384022083505104932008-08-09T15:20:00.003-03:002008-08-16T12:03:47.809-03:00

Dear Andrew,I am an educated woman, self supporting, and trying to straighten out debt that my late husband left me. As an artist, my personality is very laid back. I have never had any problem attracting men. I grew up in a household with all males, do not take myself seriously, and travel quite extensively.After my husband passed away I was pursued by a man quite a few years my senior. He runs

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-15842198267113106892008-08-01T23:12:00.000-03:002008-08-01T23:13:33.438-03:00

Dear Andrew,My friend is remarried and has three boys, 14, 11, and 9. Her first husband has a lot of mental problems, which is why she left him. She's out of the toxic relationship, but her boys aren't. Their dad is still in contact, and that contact is troubling. Dad was diagnosed with mental illness years ago.Dad has often promised to send holiday presents to the boys, yet they never come. My

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-72046477802800809352008-07-26T14:46:00.002-03:002008-07-26T14:51:03.342-03:00

Dear Andrew, I've been married for three years. In many ways, my husband is a funny, kind, and thoughtful man. However, should I become upset about something he takes it as a personal attack. His response? He fights dirty. I never hear him say, "I'm sorry, but I really didn't know that would upset you," or anything resembling an apology. He goes for the jugular. He lists off a series of

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-64134908331526932032008-07-19T10:09:00.003-03:002008-07-19T10:11:31.974-03:00

Happy loving couples make it look so easy Happy loving couples always talk so kind Until the time that I can do my dancing with a partner Those happy couples ain't no friends of mine - Joe JacksonDear Faithful Reader,Have you ever had someone tell you they have never had a fight with their partner? I can imagine most people’s reaction: “Yeah, right.” It seems like no relationship is immune

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-18116786691679400572008-07-12T14:21:00.002-03:002008-07-12T14:25:23.964-03:00

Dear Andrew,Thank you for taking time to read this, as I am terrified and confused about my state of being. My closest peers know what I’m going through and I’ve received their input, but I don't know what to think about my situation and I’m so terrified.I am 23 years old and I am still living with my single mother. Ever since I could remember, the slightest thing would set her off: If I asked

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-25493037030742154552008-07-05T10:34:00.002-03:002008-07-05T10:36:13.948-03:00

Dear Andrew,I discovered over the summer that my husband is suffering from "Sexual Addiction." It's been the most painful and gut churning experience of my life. He is in therapy now, but that doesn't really help ME deal with it. As I look back over our years together, I am faced with re-framing everything, because it all feels like one big lie now.As more and more details come out, I feel more

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-58253853572109882252008-07-03T08:38:00.002-03:002008-07-03T08:41:26.540-03:00

Here is a letter I received from a reader regarding a previous post entitled The Five-Minute Drill, which describes how to handle infants and toddlers who cry when parents attempt to put them to bed. I can’t take credit for the approach – my wife and I heard about the five-minute drill from our physician when we were having the same problem. Nonetheless, it feels good that others are able to find

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49432696219590426402008-06-29T00:37:00.006-03:002008-06-29T21:49:01.978-03:00

I’m ba-aack!My last Dismaying Story post was over a year ago. During that time my family and I moved to a different country and I’ve been working in a different profession with a more time-consuming lifestyle. Some things have not changed, however: I am still passionate about writing, about people, and about how we treat each other ... all the same reasons I started this blog to begin with.So I

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8277354487623553172007-11-23T19:53:00.000-04:002007-11-23T20:11:16.636-04:00

Hi Everyone,It has been a while since my last post. Since that time I moved my family from Canada to Texas and my lifestyle changed from that of a university professor to a 9-to-5er. It's quite a cultural difference, in more ways than one.I miss swapping comments back and forth with my online friends, so I found myself doing a bit of blog surfing today. I thought it was a good excuse to leave a

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-33147793181635234452007-03-09T08:12:00.000-04:002007-03-11T19:24:31.911-03:00

Dear Faithful Readers,You may have noticed the frequency of posts on this site has been dropping off lately. That's because my family and I are in the midst of a life change that involves a new city and new responsibilities. One consequence of that is that I no longer have the cycles to continue with To Love, Honor, and Dismay.I want to thank everyone who took the time to make this a vibrant

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-28648153802015470462007-03-06T23:05:00.000-04:002007-03-06T23:07:04.092-04:00

Dear Andrew,First, I need to tell you, I didn't love my husband when we married. He was my roommate for many years, playing pseudo dad to my two small children from a previous marriage until the kids moved out on their own. We are both in our 50's (I'm 5 years older). For 10 years we were just roommates who had sex once in a while. Then, it got too expensive to live where we were (California) and

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-42397116558071404792007-03-04T09:09:00.000-04:002007-03-04T09:10:33.629-04:00

Dear Andrew,I recently read Dismaying Story #111: Missing the Game of Life. I agree with your response to the woman who was writing but have a related question to your answer.How do you insist that your husband change? I mean, I would love to just go to my husband and say – you need to do more around the house, I am not happy with our current situation, etc. and believe me I have tried that in

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-45318650278017848352007-02-28T15:41:00.000-04:002007-02-28T15:45:02.787-04:00

Dear Andrew, You helped me back in January (Dismaying story #105: Not Her Knight in Shining Armor). I still go back and re-read your answer sometimes. I still need help on something - it's connected to the same guy, but it drives me crazy with guilt and shame. I cannot seem to forgive myself, and it haunts me. This guy has been having some very serious financial problems. He broke up with his

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-48845204380209718442007-02-25T19:52:00.000-04:002007-02-25T19:53:46.591-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am a twenty three year old woman with a Master's Degree and a good job. I have a love of travel, some would say wanderlust. In between getting my degrees I worked in Latin America and traveled to many other parts of the world. Although it is hard to set up in new places I find it very exciting and I love meeting new people. As a result of my life style (and my personal tastes) I

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79987033281047157852007-02-24T14:19:00.000-04:002007-02-24T14:20:50.706-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am in the relationship that I believe will be THE ONE for me. And my boyfriend has let me know on several occasions that he agrees with me. We have moved in together six months ago and I haven't discovered anything to disagree with me yet, so my conclusion still stands. We are both 24 years old.Three months after we met, at some point, I felt so strongly about him that I couldn't

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-57580940568488521002007-02-22T08:21:00.000-04:002007-02-22T08:23:36.744-04:00

Dear Andrew, I am at a loss of what to do about my marriage. I am 23 years old and I have been married for about 2 years. Right after we were married, I had a couple of horrible moments where I realized that I shouldn’t have married this man. He would be kind and attentive one moment and cutting and impatient the next. I told him that I thought I had made a mistake in marrying him. Because of

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-16867417327131321272007-02-20T10:27:00.000-04:002007-02-20T10:28:51.388-04:00

Dear Andrew:I am 38 and my live-in boyfriend is 35. We have lived together for almost 8 years. In all of that time, he has always signed over his paychecks to me because he has proven that he cannot be financially responsible. He did this with no complaints whatsoever because he admits that he handles money poorly. He was happy to let me take care of the finances, and so was I. We share a

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1575434468559612782007-02-18T10:18:00.000-04:002007-02-18T10:21:17.926-04:00

I’m sure we have all heard the term “irreconcilable differences” used in reference to couples who are breaking up, but I recently heard someone use the term in a different way. They claimed many couples have such differences and we tend to find ways to thrive in spite of them. How about the regular church-goer married to the agnostic? Is such a marriage necessarily doomed? Of course not. They

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-78135150187079516802007-02-18T10:04:00.000-04:002007-02-18T10:06:12.030-04:00

Thank you to everyone who contributed a Valentine’s Day story last week. I found them both heartwarming and entertaining. I particularly liked Mary Paddock's story, which reminded me of the scene in Love Actually when the guy proposed to the gal in front of a cheering restaurant crowd. If you haven't had a chance to read the stories, do yourself a favor and check them out.

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-6783302650479658862007-02-16T16:49:00.000-04:002007-02-16T16:50:28.920-04:00

Dear Andrew, I just broke up with my boyfriend of eight months. I'm just wondering why he suddenly decided he didn’t love me anymore. He told me he loved me every day and on the morning we broke up he called to say he loves me. Then that evening he changed his mind. How is that? I'm sure if he doesn’t love me anymore, then that feeling must have been there for quite some time. I don’t understand

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-29470635994708880182007-02-14T07:29:00.000-04:002007-02-14T07:30:30.876-04:00

Dear Faithful Reader,I hope each and every one of you gets to share a very special moment with a loved one today. For that matter, I hope you get to do that every day.Which reminds me -- I should turn off this computer and go give my wife a big hug. We’ve been married for 22 wonderful years and our life-long adventure together just keeps getting better and better.May you have a very happy

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-12458171609313808252007-02-14T07:24:00.000-04:002007-02-14T07:28:47.378-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am twenty-five years old and I have a boyfriend who is twenty-seven. We have been going out for a year and seven months. We met online and had an online relationship for a month or so and we could not wait and we decided to meet each other since we have many things in common and think alike. We’re about to get engaged soon and we both want to move in together. Ever since we started

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-29338864904138479212007-02-12T11:09:00.000-04:002007-02-12T07:50:43.985-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am the mother to a 4 year old brilliant little boy. His father and I have been separated since he was about 10 months old, and since then it has just been the two of us. About six months ago I started a new job. Upon starting this new job, a co-worker asked what it was like being a single parent as his wife of 18 years had just left him with their three children. He has custody of

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-65051727533068768082007-02-10T08:26:00.000-04:002007-02-10T08:15:51.602-04:00

Valentine’s Day is coming up! As you can imagine, this is a big deal here at To Love, Honor, and Dismay. Despite all stories I receive about the unfortunate challenges people face, I’m still a big believer in the joy of being with the one you love. To me, celebrating that joy is part of what special occasions like Valentine’s Day are all about.So the Question of the Week is simple: What is your

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-41759138469377290472007-02-10T07:58:00.000-04:002007-02-09T23:31:32.220-04:00

Well, the votes are in. Several readers stopped by over the last week to mention their favorite novels about relationships. Below are a half dozen of the nominees, and each image is also a link to the person who suggested that book. Thanks for participating everyone!

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8563904919298752242007-02-09T00:02:00.000-04:002007-02-08T19:58:02.209-04:00

Dear Andrew,I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I'm hoping you can help me sort through it. My boyfriend and I have known each other for two years. Up until October '06 we were really good friends. We've been hopelessly in love for most of the time we've known each other. I lived out of the area for a while so when I moved back for a new job, we decided to start dating. He has kind of an interesting

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-27275075584454575742007-02-07T07:18:00.000-04:002007-02-07T07:20:30.078-04:00

Dear Andrew, I’m supposed to be at the perfect point in my life. I have a wonderful nice home in a nice neighborhood. My husband and I both have new cars. Finances are stable. I have a teenager from a previous marriage, and my husband and I have a toddler. Sure there are the normal ups and downs of real life, and I can keep that all in perspective. But there’s something that’s really bothering me

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-46854423135055054322007-02-05T07:32:00.000-04:002007-02-05T07:36:41.867-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am 37 and my husband is 51. We have been married for nine years. We were together for about five years before we were married. We have a two-year-old son. We have not had sex since July of 2005. We haven’t had a great sex life since we were first dating and that was only for a few months. The problem is that he has very little sex drive. About three months after we started having

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-2702916512061131002007-02-04T10:23:00.000-04:002007-02-04T10:25:08.557-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of about 18 months, however we've known each other and have been involved off and on for the last 12 years. All this time she has always wanted to be in a committed serious relationship and I resisted, meanwhile getting into those very same type relationships with other women. For some reason I just never thought it'd work out or

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-38685115119298603522007-02-02T19:40:00.000-04:002007-02-02T19:45:35.249-04:00

The Dr. Andrew Book Club ... say, that has a nice ring to it. Maybe we can get something like that going here today.Relationship fiction is generally considered the domain of female readers -- romance novels, romantic comedies, dramatic family sagas, and the like. I contend, though, that virtually all fiction is about people and their relationships. For example, you could make the case that The

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-30604078780893088442007-02-02T19:31:00.000-04:002007-02-02T19:32:22.658-04:00

A great big “THANK YOU!” to everyone who contributed to the last Question of the Week. I asked what role you see fears playing in people’s tendencies when it comes to relationships. The responses covered a range of topics, from shy people who appear snobby, to “testing” potential mates because of insecurities, and how some 12-step programs recognize the role of fear in bringing character

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-12060601079481791682007-02-01T22:35:00.000-04:002007-02-01T22:39:29.073-04:00

Dear Andrew,I have been with my girlfriend for seven years. We have a child together.She began cheating on me five years ago, and then it started again two years ago, multiple times. Finally, I had to end the relationship, despite counseling we went through. She continued to have the affair, during 6 months of counseling.I am a very rational person and chose not to be bitter, for both my sake and

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-32141869760497274482007-01-31T07:01:00.000-04:002007-01-31T07:02:07.948-04:00

Psychologists at the University of New Mexico recently reported on the results of a study that shows how genetic similarities between partners are predictive of sexual responsiveness and cheating, according to this NewScientist article. The team focused on specific genes belonging to the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), analyzing 48 heterosexual couples who had been in an exclusive

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-49899433922169217152007-01-29T10:26:00.000-04:002007-01-29T12:48:30.199-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am a forty year old woman with a husband and three small children. Though my husband is a very nice man, we used to have disagreements over the division of household tasks and the issue of him and the kids being messy. We stopped having disagreements because I gave up and just did everything myself. I see now that I shouldn't have done that, but to make a long story short, it was

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-24004072586642824832007-01-26T21:53:00.000-04:002007-01-26T21:58:05.088-04:00

Dear Andrew, Whenever I start going out with a new boyfriend, I can always find some reason to reject him within the first few dates.Dear Andrew, I've been dating a guy for several months now that I know is not going to be "the one" (he is way too young for me) but we're having fun so I don't see why I should break up with him.Dear Andrew, I have tremendous problems letting go and enjoying

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-3461759567932684112007-01-26T21:50:00.001-04:002007-01-26T21:51:54.292-04:00

People, people, people! What can I say? I'm overwhelmed! What a wonderful response to last week's question, which asked you to tell me about your favorite love songs.I can't possibly do justice to all the great titles people suggested. We heard about Linda Ronstadt, Eric Clapton, Chicago, The Boss (that would be Springsteen), Smokey Robinson (who is a Miracle all by himself), and Newman and

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-6541602143702466112007-01-24T21:58:00.000-04:002007-01-25T06:53:41.482-04:00

This post is a multi-part email conversation I had with a young woman. I thought about combining this into the single question, single answer format but it seems to work as is. I'm interested in your reaction to this:Dear Andrew,About eight years ago, I met the most kindred spirit I have ever met. She and I were both in our last year of our undergrads in psychology and we instantly bonded. We

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-91120758702295757952007-01-23T06:26:00.000-04:002007-01-23T21:00:18.286-04:00

Dear Andrew,A man I had flirted with and known platonically for three years told me that he was attracted to me physically, emotionally and intellectually, but he couldn't act on it - yet. He'd be around intermittently, always acting like he was so interested in me but he was a loyal person and wouldn't cheat; and if I disappeared, he'd come find me, saying he was worried that I'd met someone

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-17815719440349194152007-01-21T22:55:00.000-04:002007-01-21T22:58:34.392-04:00

Dear Andrew,My man and I have not seen each other for two years. Since we are from different countries and the marriage process takes a huge amount of paper work and time, we have not yet been able to be together. We have tolerated many sad times during these two years but we hung on. My man built us a very nice and beautiful house, changed his job and is doing a tremendous amount of work all by

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-5632889137562497492007-01-20T11:35:00.000-04:002007-01-20T11:42:10.628-04:00

Close your eyes and I'll kiss youTomorrow I'll miss youRemember I'll always be trueAnd then while I'm awayI'll write home every dayAnd I'll send all my loving to youAhhh, can't you just hear Lennon's guitar strumming madly away in the background?Love songs have been a staple of the music industry forever it seems. They are part of the soundtrack of our lives. Here's another one you might

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-54446183619593566182007-01-20T11:23:00.000-04:002007-01-20T11:27:29.932-04:00

What timing. I turned on Dr. Phil one day this week and saw a couple who have been married four months. The husband is constantly wondering if she is "the one." He struggled mightily before deciding to go through with the ceremony -- at one point his fiancée found him curled in the fetal position, crying. Her father confronted him the day before the wedding and said, "Well, what's it going to be?

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-23805836414559080912007-01-18T05:26:00.000-04:002007-01-18T05:31:11.200-04:00

Dear Andrew,My husband and I have a 16 month old son and have been married for a little over a year. We have a lovely home and my husband works hard and he is a wonderful father to our son. He is also very caring and would do anything at all for me. He never yells or argues with me. I love him very much and I am very lucky to have him. When I was pregnant I did not get very much attention from

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-22901459507089784112007-01-15T23:16:00.000-04:002007-01-16T06:50:30.607-04:00

Dear Andrew,Lately, a woman in my husband's office has seemed to take a romantic interest in him. I believe he's loyal to me, but it bothers me that she thinks she has a chance, and is not leaving him alone. She knows he's married, so her initial email to him was "So, do you have any younger brothers available?" It's hard for me to believe my husband doesn't know that's one of the most cliché

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-10919379211274770702007-01-14T10:53:00.000-04:002007-01-14T10:54:43.264-04:00

Today's question is all about commitment, which I think of as the force that shields your marriage against all the challenges the two of you must endure. Every relationship involves adversity from time to time. A truly committed couple responds to the hard times by asking themselves, "How are we going to get through this? What will get us to the other side?" Someone who lacks commitment, though,

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-8284765813701117432007-01-14T10:02:00.001-04:002007-01-14T10:02:37.979-04:00

A big thank you to each of you who left a story for last week's question about building bridges with the people in your life. The responses make for a refreshing collection; they restore my faith in our collective desire to be close to one another and in our willingness to reach out.The stories include long-distance friends propping each other up, a mother who is grateful for the closeness she

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-4319279642933964642007-01-12T21:40:00.000-04:002007-01-12T21:45:03.279-04:00

Dear Andrew,My friends tell me that at age 58 I may have to redefine "love", settling for companionship and friendship, and not expect to have physical attraction and passion along with them. I'm fortunate to appear fairly youthful and attractive at my age, so I do have my share of male attention, but haven't been able to fall in love with anyone in the 6 years I've been single. I would like to

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-20486793736737583072007-01-10T00:27:00.000-04:002007-01-10T00:32:39.668-04:00

My last post about Getting Past a Rape stirred up more emotion among those who commented than any Dismaying Story has for some time. The responses raised some unresolved issues, so I would like to address them today.Here is the email response I received from the original letter writer:Andrew, Thank you so much for your response. It really helped a lot just to hear someone outside my family feel

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-37717443008352167572007-01-08T10:23:00.000-04:002007-01-08T10:24:33.094-04:00

Dear Andrew,My first boyfriend raped me when I was fourteen, and then broke up with me three days later because he couldn't handle the guilt. None of my friends seemed to believe me, and at least some of the ones who acted like they did laughed at me behind my back. This was my first sexual experience. I wasn't ready for it to go as far as it did, and I worry that I may have been molested by my

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-40949518191305124202007-01-05T21:07:00.001-04:002007-01-07T08:06:01.769-04:00

Many of the Dismaying Stories from last year dealt with situations where couples did things that stressed the bond of closeness between the two of them. I would like to turn that around this week and look at the positive side. Rather than tearing down emotional bridges, I'm sure we'd all rather spend our time and energy strengthening our relationships.So tell me a happy story. What was the best

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-17315771915209627532007-01-05T20:45:00.000-04:002007-01-05T21:10:41.876-04:00

In response to last week's Question of the Week, a few people were brave enough to write in with ways they hope to improve their relationships in the coming year. Shan resolved to be more open and outgoing -- to invest more time and energy in re-connecting with his friends. That sounds like a great plan to me!SQT wrote: "My resolutions are to be less cranky with my husband and to thank him more.

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-39836555345922774842007-01-04T23:27:00.000-04:002007-01-04T23:28:10.867-04:00

Dear Andrew,My boyfriend and I have been together for about nine months and I am having an extremely hard time getting over his past sexual relationships. I think a lot to do with it is the fact that he had a lot of "flings" with close female friends who he is still currently good friends with. One of these girls in particular is one of his best friends who he hangs out with on a fairly regular

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-27603883586419626832007-01-03T11:36:00.000-04:002007-01-03T11:40:25.990-04:00

Dear Andrew,I was married for 24 years to a sweet, funny, intellectual guy with lots of talents. We had three children together, we traveled the world, and we were in the Peace Corps together.Then one day, out of the blue, he told me he was gay. He had thought about it for 5 years and said I would now have plenty of time to get used to the idea. Within two weeks I received a bill for his HIV and

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-91013651950349685232007-01-01T11:07:00.000-04:002007-01-01T11:09:49.569-04:00

Dear Andrew, One year ago, at the age of 41, I married a man that I had been with for 5 years. Those years were tumultuous, full of growth that was brought on by a lot of arguments. Somehow, we decided to marry, thinking we could continue to grow into a healthy relationship. This is my first marriage, and his second. I had not had a lot of intimate relationships before this, and he has had

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-48058211990903599682006-12-30T08:29:00.000-04:002006-12-30T08:31:47.719-04:00

Should auld acquaintance be ... um, better?Happy New Year everyone! There is really only one question that makes the most sense to ask this week; I'm talking about New Years relationship resolutions.My theory is that nobody is perfect, so striving to improve is a healthy thing for all of us. Is there someone with whom you would like to get along better in some way? What could you resolve to

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-64351064130496451032006-12-29T08:35:00.000-04:002006-12-29T08:37:20.533-04:00

This question came to me by way of my colleague Rod Smith, a family therapist, coach, author and newspaper columnist whose blog is listed in my sidebar under Difficult Relationships. Dear Andrew,My girlfriend and I, both 24 years old, have been in a committed relationship for four and a half years. We both form part of an extended social group involving university and church activities. She has

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-88641043560076293932006-12-28T10:31:00.000-04:002006-12-28T10:52:30.658-04:00

Or you may not. Who knows, maybe you're into really bad take-offs of Christmas songs. In any case, so many of you were kind enough to respond to the most recent Question of the Week that I was inspired to burst into song. Sing along with me now. You know how the tune goes. *clears throat*The 12 Days of Christmas(except we're only doing 5 days)On the first day of Christmas, Margaret said to me,"My

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-40696668963338485122006-12-23T10:01:00.000-04:002006-12-23T10:14:01.578-04:00

Merry Christmas everyone!Happy Hanukkah!Happy Kwanzaa!Over the next few days I will be tearing wrapping paper off gifts, eating turkey and dressing (I've always liked the dressing best), visiting with my in-laws (which includes the Exalted Aunt... have I mentioned I worship the ground she baby sits on?), drinking eggnog, staying on the lookout for mistletoe, and generally celebrating the festive

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-13661182991638904222006-12-22T11:38:00.000-04:002006-12-22T11:40:21.930-04:00

Paul was kind enough to let me know about a recent New York Times article entitled Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. This article was their most frequent download for a week or two after it was published. I would love to hear your comments on these questions. Here are a few of my thoughts:1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-69736586941097155012006-12-20T11:28:00.000-04:002006-12-20T11:32:29.550-04:00

Dear Andrew, About six months ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years and I broke up. We still love each other, but since we were finishing university and were embarking on significant lifestyle changes, we decided that it was best to call it off, rather than fighting to keep together a relationship that was already falling apart. (The one thing we shared was that we loved each other. We wanted

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-66613872487114855132006-12-17T13:23:00.000-04:002006-12-17T13:33:34.340-04:00

Dear Andrew,I wonder how many women out there have 'settled,' meaning they are not in love and never were with their partner, but because of finances or some other reason have settled. Is that why there are a lot of women out there that lose themselves in Harlequin Romances? Is that why they find themselves in chat rooms on the Internet, or worse, at dating sites? I have two sons of 30 and 32.

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-12922495332026241872006-12-16T08:49:00.001-04:002006-12-16T08:49:53.868-04:00

Family time. Togetherness. Celebration. Those sound like the sorts of things that should help strengthen relationships over the holidays, don't they? A relaxing evening with a glass of bubbly. A romantic interlude next to the fire, with the Christmas tree lights blazing nearby. It's almost a Hollywood cliché for how to get people to bond with each other.Or you could think about the relatives who

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-20130266982521197952006-12-14T09:17:00.000-04:002006-12-14T09:27:15.694-04:00

Robert Palmer knew a thing or two about love. Sing it with me now everyone!Your lights are on, but you're not homeYour mind is not your ownYour heart sweats, your body shakesAnother kiss is what it takesYou can't sleep, you can't eatThere's no doubt, you're in deepYour throat is tight, you can't breatheAnother kiss is all you needWhoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-79915963843510369702006-12-12T14:02:00.000-04:002006-12-12T14:03:50.657-04:00

Dear Andrew,I've made poor relationship choices in the past, repeating what was modeled to me as a child. Now I want a healthy relationship but I'm unsure how I can allow myself to have one. Are there steps/questions that one goes through while dating in order to dig out the weeds and allow the garden to shine through?My mom was bi-polar, she loved me and hated me and was abusive. My dad is a

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165756116235453582006-12-10T09:06:00.000-04:002006-12-12T00:37:42.203-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am contemplating a relationship with a man older than myself who has two sons, aged 4 and 7. They live with their mother, but he spends as much time with them as possible and visits daily. I am 21 and he is 30. I was looking around online for advice about dating someone with children, and while there seems to be a wealth of information regarding dating as a single parent, there

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165662044187203712006-12-09T06:21:00.000-04:002006-12-12T02:56:50.066-04:00

Many thoughts to everyone who commented on last week's question. I agree with Margaret, who said, "I believe that domestic violence is a conditioned and learned dysfunctional behavior."The consensus among those who commented seems to be that the primary place we learn such behavior is in our childhood home. I also agree with this. Children learn by watching the examples we provide, and tend to

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165606549220241172006-12-08T15:34:00.000-04:002006-12-08T22:34:54.390-04:00

Dear Andrew,What do you do when your three-year-old reverts back to wetting his pants? We are using regular trainers (cloth) and the wet doesn't seem to bother him. He still goes poo-poo in the potty, but now we're back to square one after three months of going in the potty. Any ideas?Signed, Frequently Washing ClothesDear Frequently,I would look at three possible factors: physical, emotional

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165410660374350862006-12-06T09:09:00.001-04:002008-08-17T13:22:08.747-03:00

Dear Andrew,I know tons of moms facing this issue. Maybe you can give some insight on how to handle this for the holidays, and it will work for the kids' birthdays and such also.My husband and I are trying to live simply. We don't buy electronic toys for our children, and we try to avoid plastic "crap," violent toys/movies, and all the princess stuff. Problem is, my family doesn't understand this

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165247332632489862006-12-04T11:47:00.000-04:002006-12-12T00:16:42.286-04:00

Dear Andrew,My husband and I cannot manage to resolve conflict. He has this passive aggressive strategy of dropping little verbal bombs, then denying he is even angry and not acknowledging there is a conflict then refusing to discuss the fact that now my feelings are hurt. This hurts my feelings further because I feel as if he does not give a hoot that I am upset, because he refuses to discuss

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1165065694241058382006-12-02T09:20:00.000-04:002006-12-10T14:46:21.393-04:00

I recently heard a news item on a local radio station that reported the assignment of two police officers to focus on domestic violence in my community. The newscast included a quote from a police representative, who said: "We have to teach young people about inappropriate behaviors in relationships that can lead to domestic violence."Such an announcement is a clear indication that this problem

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164972636225672002006-12-01T07:30:00.000-04:002006-12-09T08:14:28.296-04:00

Dear Andrew,About a year ago I started getting active in on-line forums, which offer private messaging. I became friends with a single man, aged 52, who lives several states away. We talk about our day-to-day lives but never about sex. He means so much to me and has told me I mean so much to him. We have each other's phone numbers but have never spoken on the phone or in person. He sent me some

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164810013200933942006-11-29T10:14:00.000-04:002006-11-29T10:39:34.363-04:00

A few readers have responded to recent articles with comments that include excellent questions. I thought I would address some of them today.In How to State a Request for Help, I talk about a few of the pitfalls to be avoided when asking a spouse to help out with the housework. Here are a few of the comments:Shari said... I prefer not to even have to ask and to have an understanding about

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164635247385702272006-11-27T09:46:00.000-04:002006-12-02T08:29:56.150-04:00

Dear Andrew,I recently sent a letter to my siblings and received a troubling response from my sister. I don't know how to respond to her. Here is the letter I sent:-------------------------------What I am going to share with you is in no way intended to be a negative reflection on anyone. I do not intend to hurt your feelings or upset you. If I do, please forgive me and talk to me about it.I was

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164563845200325202006-11-26T13:56:00.000-04:002006-12-02T08:28:25.786-04:00

Dear Andrew,I am the oldest child in a large family that has seen a lot of instability and destruction in the past decade. My mother suffers from debilitating alcoholism and my father from equally destructive addictions. However, I have a healthy lifestyle, happy marriage, a college degree and a successful career — and I wish the same for my younger siblings. One of my little sisters in

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164489457368914312006-11-25T17:16:00.000-04:002006-11-26T12:28:09.906-04:00

What an amazing response I received to last week's question about negative self talk. There were several great insights into how our inner voices tend to affect us, and quite a number of people opened up and admitted this is an area where they struggle.Here is what Mark had to say:The voice that runs 24/7 in your head is very powerful. I once read a quote that went something like this - "If you

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164378240773989462006-11-24T10:19:00.000-04:002006-11-28T19:33:20.833-04:00

Often we can draw parallels between high profile relationships and the challenges faced by couples. For example, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il and U.S. President George W. Bush are two key figures in the crisis following North Korean missile tests this past summer. There has been much speculation about why Kim went ahead with tests in the face of widespread diplomatic opposition. Some sources

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164282212221559612006-11-23T07:41:00.000-04:002006-11-26T16:05:09.550-04:00

I am thankful for:My wife, who continues to tell me with actions and words that she is happy to be married to me.My three little stress factors, who aren't so little anymore, and who continue to tell me with actions and words that they are happy to be married to my wallet.All of you faithful readers, who continue to drop by and share this journey of discovery.Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164210413809803312006-11-22T11:45:00.000-04:002006-11-24T15:12:13.320-04:00

Today's question is the most succinct I have received, as well as one of the most significant since it pertains to choosing a life partner.Dear Andrew,How do you know when a man really loves you?Signed, WonderingDear Wondering,I once talked with a man who was in the midst of a career change. He was moving to a new city for a couple of years, and then he would be assigned a position in yet another

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1164029577023472682006-11-20T09:32:00.000-04:002006-11-22T22:34:32.826-04:00

I received a warm response the last time I wrote a behind-the-scenes-with-Andrew post, so when Lori sent me a meme, I thought it was a good excuse to do so again. She tagged me with Five things you don't know about me. Here they are:1. The color thing: I am chromatically challenged, but people, please, I am not color blind. My world is full of vibrant colors, it's just that sometimes they act

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163951174337338582006-11-19T11:45:00.000-04:002006-11-23T21:44:39.203-04:00

Dear Andrew,My girlfriend broke up with me this past summer. I'm not "over" her and I don't think I ever will be. It was kind of an unpleasant breakup, as all are, but we agreed to be friends. I am not going to look for another relationship for a long time because, after this experience, I decided to wait a few years and my parents will arrange a marriage for me as is the custom in my family.Is

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163858863101345122006-11-18T10:06:00.000-04:002006-11-23T11:51:50.550-04:00

Negative self talk is one of the most common themes that emerges in many of the Dismaying Stories on this site. When we are faced with a challenge, opportunity or success, that little voice inside often pipes up and reminds us that we really aren't all that great. (You are great, by the way; the voice is virtually always wrong.)From time to time I talk to highly successful business executives,

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163857577713647292006-11-18T09:44:00.000-04:002006-12-05T13:15:01.610-04:00

Last week I asked for your ideas on how to keep your relationship alive during periods of forced separation. This is particularly relevant for military families given that last Saturday was Remembrance Day. Here is what Cathouse Teri had to say:"I know the answer to this question. It is without a doubt what has already been mentioned. Communication and OFTEN. Phone calls, letters, emails ~ all

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163777228330930682006-11-17T11:25:00.000-04:002006-11-23T21:44:20.626-04:00

Dear Andrew,Please help me understand my partner. I am 41 years old and my partner is 30 years old. We get on fantastically well. He always says how comfortable and relaxed he is in my company, and we have very similar interests. He says he has never been with anyone before that he gets on so well with BUT he says the relationship is 99% perfect. Something niggles him always.He did say after

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30644215.post-1163589713890987762006-11-15T07:21:00.000-04:002006-11-18T00:53:59.850-04:00

This post is part of a continuing series entitled The Hunt for the Vacuum Cleaner Gene. Last month I posted on the topic of How Not to Ask Your Husband for Help, which looks at some of the natural tendencies people have when they try to ask for help from their spouse. In particular, last month's post examines why these approaches often backfire.Today I begin looking at a more effective approach

Andrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07210761023973607515noreply@blogger.com16