Thursday, July 27, 2006

Commitment Phobia: It's Not Just The Men Anymore

After talking about commitment in yesterday's post about The Affair-Proof Marriage, I did a little searching and uncovered a wide range of related material. In particular an article from the Discovery Health Channel caught my eye.

Tradition holds that men tend to have a harder time committing to relationships, while women are supposed to be the ones yearning to land a guy and drag him kicking and screaming to the alter. Apparently, though, this is no longer the case. According to relationship counselor and author Audrey Chapman, the changing role of women in our society has led to a state where both men and women are equally likely to exhibit what is referred to as commitment phobia.

The word 'phobia' refers to a fear, and that is exactly what people with this problem feel when it comes to relationships. The fear can spring from any number of sources. Some people grow up without ever seeing any of their family members commit to successful relationships. Others have negative experiences in relationships of their own, which leads them to expect a similar ordeal whenever they become involved with someone new. Whatever the reason, such people usually find ways to sabotage their relationships, sometimes before they truly begin.

Being without a relationship doesn't mean you are phobic of commitment. Relationships can encounter difficulties for a wide variety of reasons and some people are simply happy without a partner.

Chapman goes so far as to identify four types of commitment-phobic women. Do you have a history of failed relationships? If so, you might be a Pity Party-Goer, Boomerang, Detective or Picky Picker ... or none of the above. Check out the article to find out if any of these categories shed some light on your relationship patterns.


  1. I'm glad someone out there has addressed the issue. I have been doing a lot of reading about it and reviewed some of the books. Yes, I suffered from commitment-phobia as well and never even realized it!

    If anyone is interested I discuss it on my blog as well:

  2. I am 23 year old girl and i am scare of relationship.My parent had not so great relationship.My mother suffer a lot and has to sacrify a lot for her children.My dad never co operate mother when ever we were ill.I am not able to get serious in any relationship because it means depending on someone of opposite sex and from my experience they are not at all reliable people.

  3. Anonymous5:57 PM

    The tyranny of pop psychologists eh. What exactly is so great about the marriage CONTRACT - it's a recipe for financial ruin for anyone (male or female, but especially the one with assets and a work ethic). In particular women want independence ... but when the reality of being responsible for oneself hits home they run for the "I'm a victim, bail me out.... lawyers help ensure someone supports me". Cake and eat it springs to mind.

  4. Anonymous12:55 PM

    We are called the Low-Oxytocin Woman. For decades, the typical and ideal woman has been the High-Oxytocin kind: shrill, needy, demanding, into babies, desperate to marry. You're now in front of the Low-Oxy Babe: we don't need or want men for anything but a quick lay. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just how we roll. You would think men would find us the ideal, but they don't, because the big media secret is that actually men want relationships and marriage more than women do.

    When they come across a woman like us who would rather use our vibrators or hire a male escort for an hour instead of waste time with them, they go berserk. 24 marriage proposals all said no to and still counting, folks.

    Welcome to the Low-Oxytocin Woman. This is our era.

    Men, want a doormat: pick High-Oxy. She's already in her bridal gown with the kids' names picked and waiting for you, lol...


  5. Anonymous3:25 PM

    it is more like the women out there that do not want to COMMIT to us men anymore, like they once use to. i am a STRAIGHT MAN that certainly hates going out as it is, because the women today are playing too much games. many women now need to GROW UP, and stop playing these games. there are many of us SERIOUS MEN out there that would know how to treat women well, if given the chance. it now seems that there are so many LESBIANS, making it a lot harder for us. and even the women that are STRAIGHT, seem to have such AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM these days.

  6. Anonymous12:25 AM

    I have been chasing a girl for a couple years now. I just figured out that she has commitment phobia after a strong first date and a makeout sesh at a party. They tend to just run and make excuses when you try to arrange another date/hangout . If you have one of these broads you Need to sit her down in person and lay your feelings on her before she sabatoges whatever intamate fling you two have. Don't sit and and bitch. If you truly want her, commitment phobia won't stop you