As I read other blogs, I often find posts about people struggling with their relationships. The issues (surprise, surprise) are frequently similar to those that show up in letters I receive from readers. The following is a recent post by Mony, who is clearly struggling. At the same time, though, she is focused on trying to repair the hurt. This shows a good deal of courage and determination, and I thought it was worth sharing. Mony writes:
Thank you for all of your sincere, non-judgmental, caring comments. Each one represented a hug & a comforting hand on my shoulder. Youse Rule.
On many occasions throughout my life I have been told how brave, strong & courageous I am. It's always amazing, if not a little startling to hear people talk about me in such a fashion because I often feel the exact opposite. I don't cry a lot. This is not because of an inner strength or a degree in self meditation. It just takes a heavy deal to bring me undone.
In the past few weeks I have cried countless times, into many different pillows, shoulders & tea towels. It was therapeutic if not a little damp.
I walked out on my husband because I was desperate to show him that I could not accept his dramatic mood swings or unprovoked temper any longer. I just couldn't bury my sadness or isolation another day. It was extremely hard to acknowledge that our polished lives had begun to tarnish & rust. I had glossed over our marriage for too long.
It's hard to air your dirty laundry in front of an unsuspecting audience. It's excruciating to remain motionless as everything drops from the display cabinet that is your life. It's awful to hear negative remarks about your relationship. Looking truth in the eye takes nerves of steel.
But I did it. And I am so glad that I did. Perhaps, just perhaps leaving him was exactly what I needed to do to salvage our relationship.
My husband has had an emotional year. His Mother's stroke has left him incredibly sad. Her recovery has been steady, yet slow. She is blind. She is completely dependant & unable to hold a lightening quick, animated conversation like she used to. We are getting to know the new woman she has become even though we dearly miss the one that she was.
My husband's family business has seen the exit of his Mum, Dad & sister since July. The load on him is unbearable. I know these things are partly to blame for his terrible moods. I also know it is no excuse to treat me badly. Hurting the ones we love can be so, so easy.
He has acknowledged his problems. He is confident he can do much better. He wants to let go of his inner macho shithead persona. He wants to be the man I married.
We are trying to undo the hurt. We are delving into the pile of distress to see if we can recover something beautiful. Sifting & sorting through all the dust in the hope of finding gold.
Brave. Strong. Courageous.