Saturday, November 11, 2006

Question of the week #14: Lest They Forget (Each Other)

Today is a day to remember the debt we owe to the veterans of major conflicts, known variously as Veterans' Day (United States), Remembrance Day (Canada and UK), Poppy Day (South Africa and Malta) and Armistice Day (internationally).

Soldiers and their significant others pay a high price when they are separated during foreign deployments, so this week's question is simply this: What can couples do to keep their relationships in good shape when they are forced apart by circumstances such as this?

I will post my personal favorite comment next Saturday with a link to the respondent's blog.

7 comments:

  1. "Glance at the sun,
    Stare at the moon,
    Share the light
    between the two of you."

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  2. In my thoughts on the subject, I would think that letter writing, journal writing and fidelity and continued respect of the other person would be the top of the list.

    The letter writing would let the other person know that you are thinking of them, would be a format you could send mental hugs and kisses, photos, poems, or lyrics of song they liked - thereby keeping communication and affection ongoing.

    The journal writing would allow you to document what is happening at home for their return, so you can minimize any distractions for them while in battle, and so that they do not have to feel that they missed out on anything while away.

    Ongoing respect and fidelity are extremely important to maintain the trust that a relationship needs. The "time away" was accepted when entering into the relationship, so the extended period of time does not provide an excuse to abandon these key components of the relationship.

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  3. My husband and I use email to stay connected while he is deployed. These emails contain day to day happenings, questions, concerns, and funny moments we want to share with each other. That way, we keep involved in each others lives as much as possible.

    The key for us, though, is that we never go to bed alone. During the day, both of us are so busy that it's easier not to miss each other. But when the time comes to turn out the light and fall asleep alone, that's the hardest. So, we got into the habit of tucking each other in, via email. For example, if I know that he's still awake when I go to bed, I'll send an email saying goodnight and promising to leave the covers turned down and the pillows fluffed for when he decides to join me. When he is finally able to sleep, he writes me back, telling me he's come to bed now, "kissing my cheek", and falling asleep.

    It helps me to know that our normal bedime routine is not interrupted by something as silly as thousands of miles. Even if it's only in our minds, we still tuck each other in every night. He feels cared for in an environment that is not typically nurturing, I feel protected even though I'm alone. Both of us know that we never, ever sleep alone.

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  4. My personal favorite is....phone sex! LOL
    JB

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  5. I can't really comment on this having never been married to a military guy... but I just have to say that I LOVE Navybride's response! And I do think that would be just the kind of thing that would really help. Keep things as "normal" as possible.

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  6. My husband (an AF Sgt.) and I have been apart a few times during our brief marriage. We stayed connected through phone calls and email. Whenever I would start to miss him, I would call and leave a message. I also sent pictures and wrote letters! It worked!

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  7. I know the answer to this question. It is without a doubt what has already been mentioned. Communication and OFTEN. Phone calls, letters, emails ~ all good solutions. The more personal, the better. We tend to think that we shouldn't bother them (especially if they are at war) with the little silly things of our daily lives, but the truth is that they want nothing more than to hear about your day. If you communicate every day, you will tell about some mundane things, but it really is important to share all of it in order to stay close. I've lived it. I've seen it. I know it's true.

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