Still Chasing That Excitement. My thanks go out to this young woman who has "been there, done that" and is willing to share the benefit of her experience:
I can't help responding after I read "Still Chasing That Excitement", not necessarily to you but to the woman who wrote in asking for advice. I want to share my own experience.
When I finished high school I had an inferiority complex. I had dated a grand total of two people and I never clicked with any of them. They were relationships of context, rather than of feeling. I believed no one could love me because I was ugly and stupid and so on. I'm sure this sounds familiar to many of your readers.
When I entered university I met a guy. He liked me and he did all the right things to go out with me. He asked my phone number, called to ask me out, took me to a movie, then took my hand in his ... all the right steps, just as it was supposed to be. I couldn't believe it. Somebody liked me. And then he said he loved me.
We dated for two years. It was nice but when he asked me to move in with him I just panicked. What?! No way. I was too young, there was no freedom, there was nothing. I already spent enough time with him; there's no way I could have had more. I remember telling my sister exactly what "Still Going Crazy" says: "I wish I had met him later. He'd be perfect to meet at 30 when you want to marry. Right now I'm not ready for this."
So we broke up. I spent two years being single and happy about it. The more free time I had, the more I realized how much he and this relationship had suffocated me. How good it was to be on my own again. My fears that I would end up alone without him were wrong. I could make lots of friends (which I did). I could just have fun (which I did).
A year ago I met someone again. Two weeks later I already knew this was going to be it. When you are meant to be with someone you just know it. Do I still have my doubts? Of course. I keep wondering if I'm good enough for him, if he's going to find someone better. But I know that I love him. I don't doubt it. I know that if I had my way I'd stay with him my whole life and I know that I won't change my mind. I moved in with him after less than a year. I'm more grown-up now so you might say this helped change my attitude. It might be so, but I had that attitude until I met my current partner. I strongly believe that if my former boyfriend had been the right guy I never would have panicked the way I did.
When something's wrong you feel it. It manifests itself in many ways: desire to cheat, boredom, suffocation, panic, desire to run and so on. He might be a nice guy and the kind you think it would be nice to marry (like I said about my first boyfriend) but if he's not for you, he just isn't. That's the way life is.
Sincerely, A Former Cynic